MVP standings after the jump.
434.2 milliseconds. That’s about how long it takes a 95 MPH fastball to reach home plate.
It’s only about 34 milliseconds more than what it takes some people blink. Only 134 more milliseconds than it takes the slowest of us to act on reflex based on visual stimuli. Only slightly less time than it takes for a satellite communications system to receive and transmit information.
In the time it took you to read this blog post up to this line, about 13 seconds had past if you are an average silent reader. In that time, you could have had 28 fastballs go past you with another one about a third of the way towards you.
That sound you hear is your mind getting blown. Or maybe it’s of a fastball hitting the catcher’s glove.
In a Ken Rosenthal article earlier today, a rival GM said that Dodgers Manager Don Mattingly is practically trying to get fired after his infamous ripping into of longtime RF Andre Ethier on Wednesday. However, despite that and the horrible 19-26 start for the Dodgers, he is expected to still be the skipper of Los Angeles when the sun rises on Friday.
Therefore, if we were to foolishly take the rival GM’s quotation literally, we can only guess that Mattingly has not done enough to get fired. Therefore, I have suggestions for him as he tries to escape the black hole of horrible the Dodgers’ season has been so far:
- Accuse Tommy Lasorda of not actually bleeding Dodger Blue, but instead bleeding the red that everyone else has.
- Hit the pitcher in the clean-up spot for kicks.
- Leave game in the 7th inning to beat traffic.
- Criticize Vin Scully. Note that doing this is not just grounds for termination, but is grounds for being shot into the heart of the sun.
- Say that you wish the Dodgers had go-getters like Carlos Quentin.
- Call AJ Ellis by the name of “DJ Elliot” for no apparent reason whatsoever.
- Show up in Anaheim in a Angels uniform, see if you can get past security.
- Sign Dwight Howard to play CF.
- Give a long discussion on how you would approach 5-base baseball.
- Donald Duck suit.
- And the easiest way of all to get fired: keep having the team play .422 baseball.
It’s over here.
THIS IS A PROSPECT SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
KEVIN GAUSMAN, RIGHT-HANDED PITCHER OUT OF LOUISIANA STATE UNIVERSITY, WILL MAKE HIS MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL DEBUT TOMORROW FOR THE BALTIMORE ORIOLES.
IN THIRTEEN STARTS IN 2012 AND 2013 IN THE ORIOLES ORGANIZATION, GAUSMAN HAS A 3.23 ERA IN 61.1 IP, WITH 62 TOTAL STRIKEOUTS AND ONLY SIX WALKS. SERIOUSLY, THAT IS NOT A TYPO, HE’S ONLY WALKED SIX BATTERS.
THIS YEAR IN AA BOWIE, GAUSMAN HAS STRUCK OUT 49 IN 46.1 IP WHILE WALKING ONLY FIVE. AGAIN, ONLY FIVE.
APOLOGIES FOR THE ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, I’M TRYING TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE ONE OF THOSE IMPORTANT WEATHER BULLETINS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
For example, it is said that during a four-hour flight, the 6’6”, 180 lb pitcher ate 2 ice cream sundaes and 30 bags of potato chips.
Now, admittedly this is likely just another tale of athletes exaggerating, but, just for kicks, this is roughly what the nutritional info for such a meal would be:
I’m not entirely sure how he would survive such a eating frenzy without throwing up. His metabolism must be something completely unlike anything else on this earth. There must be something unique about him. If everyone could have such a metabolism, obesity could disappear overnight.
In other words, I ask that Chris Sale reconsider his career in baseball and donate his body to science. Within his body may be the secrets of ending obesity and who knows what else.
Make it happen!
I haven’t quite figured out the new FLICKR interface, so I’m introducing a new feature: Tweet of the Day.
This one, technically from last night, comes from Oklahoma-born Matt Kemp.
I’m giving $1000 for tonight’s HR and every HR until the All-Star break for the victims of my hometown in OKC. #PrayforOklahoma
— Matt Kemp (@TheRealMattKemp) May 21, 2013