For Sale: The Boston Red Sox?

Earlier this season, a rumor came out the the Yankees might for sale. So I decided to come up with a sales pitch for the team. Now, the Red Sox have been rumored to be on sale. They probably aren’t, but, what the heck:
Are you in the market for one of Major League Baseball’s flagship franchises, playing in it’s oldest stadium? Are you ready to take on a fixer-upper job that will require you to banish memories of chicken wings, beer and one of the biggest collapses in sports history from the mind of fans? Do you like hanging out with celebrities like Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Stephen King and Doug Flutie? Do you have a few billion dollars on hand?

Then you may be the ideal candidate to own the Boston Red Sox, founded in 1901. Current owner John Henry has been having problems of late juggling his ownership of the team with ventures in the European market and in the South, forcing him to place the club on the market. Included in the deal is Fenway Park (a beautiful example of early-20th century stadium design), large shares of the NESN network, access to Wally the Green Monster, and the contracts to all current Red Sox players and personnel. Yes, even Bobby Valentine. 

To apply, please call Fenway Park. Ask for Papi.

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