The Yankees have seemingly sent Alex Rodriguez into hiding, to keep him away from reporters and paparazzi.

Not going to stop me.
I know EXACTLY where Alex Rodriguez is. He’s somewhere here:

Yes, Alex Rodriguez is somewhere on Planet Earth. Oh, sure, it is not impossible, given his great wealth, that he has fled to Mars, Alpha Centauri or Altair IV, but there is no evidence he has done so, as we would have been able to see his Warp Signature, or something (any Star Trek fans out there, feel free to correct me).

So, where on Earth is Alex Rodriguez? Has he donned a red hat and coat? Or is he going the red-and-white shirt route?

Nobody knows.

That said, let’s face it, this is Alex Rodriguez. He lives in Florida (especially Miami) but reportedly has houses or apartments in the New York Metropolitan Area and near Los Angeles. So, uh… start there.

So, yeah, not specific, but there you go.