The following things are guaranteed to happen during spring training:
1. At least one player per team will be declared to be in the best shape of his life.
2. On at least one day, basically every Grapefruit League game will be cancelled due to rain.
3. You will check the box score of every exhibition game against a college team, just to see if any MLB players were struck out by a college pitcher or a college pitcher got a hit off a MLB pitcher.
4. At least one game will be delayed due to a weird reason, like a tornado warning or a large swarm of bees.
5. At least one person will write an article questioning whether Michael Bourn‘s continued free agency is a sign of collusion, as opposed to the reality, which is that the Minnesota Twins basically removed Washington and Philadelphia- two of the most likely destinations for Bourn- when they traded Denard Span and Ben Revere, unintentionally destroying the demand for Bourn in the process.
6. Somebody will try to liken something going on in Spring Training to the going-ons in Vatican City, and it won’t make for a good metaphor.
7. A MLB player will tweet out a picture of what his NCAA bracket looks like.
8. There will be confusion when a player on a World Baseball Classic team plays an exhibition against his usual team.
9. While watching stock footage of players doing routine workouts, you will inexplicably get the theme from The Rookie stuck in your head.
10. Somebody will have an embarrassing injury that will have more to do with their own stupidity or bad luck then some sort of baseball activity.
11. After the Astros lose a Cactus League game, somebody on Twitter will declare that they have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.
12. We will hear about some humorous clubhouse prank.
13. At least one notable veteran will announce their retirement.
14. The Yankees will be declared doomed, the World Series favorites and a Wild Card contender… possibly all on the same day.
15. Everyone in Tampa, at Yankees’ camp, will be on 24/7 Alex Rodriguez watch.