The Unwritten Rules of Watching Baseball

There are unwritten rules of playing baseball, but what are the unwritten rules of watching baseball? Or at least rules of thumbs or something…

Well….

  1. Veeck’s Law: The knowledge of baseball at a major league game is usually inverse the price of tickets.
  2. Don’t mention a no-hitter in progress, unless you do.
  3. Don’t mention a perfect game in progress, unless you do.
  4. If you mention how quickly a game is moving, it will grind to a halt.
  5. The players coming in from the field after a half-inning will throw a ball to either the cutest kid or the sexiest girl.
  6. If you catch a foul ball, and you are near a cute kid, you had better give him or her the ball.
  7. Every stadium should have at least one “regular” who’s voice can carry into the neighboring county.
  8. The official attendance of the game is always higher than the actual attendance.
  9. When a pitcher turns and fakes a pickoff towards second, at least one person will claim it’s a balk. It isn’t.
  10. The scrappier the player, the more liked he will be, no matter what his batting average.
  11. When there is a stadium trivia question and three of the choices are Hall of Famers and the fourth is somebody like Rusty Staub or Mike Timlin, then the answer is probably Rusty Staub or Mike Timlin.
  12. The temperature of the in-stadium thermometer is always at least four degrees higher or lower than it actually is.
  13. Any close call that goes against the home team is to be considered an insult by a blind umpire, even if it was relatively obvious it was the right call.
  14. After a few drinks, the person a few seats away from you will suddenly become an expert in when to send a runner, when not to send the runner, how to cover home plate, when to pull the pitcher and whether to swing, bunt or take a pitch.
  15. The batboy won’t give anyone a ball, but everyone will try and ask him for one anyway.

 

And that’s just the first 15!