The first real episode of The Franchise aired on Wednesday night (a preview episode aired earlier in the year, and this episode recycled some of the material from that). While last year they dealt with the relatively-boring San Francisco Giants, this season, Showtime and MLB Productions are following the Miami Marlins, a far more hectic and colorful club. This episode- which covers roughly the first half of the season- features a bit on the team’s off-season makeover, the opening of the new stadium, Ozzie’s infamous comments about Fidel Castro, and the setting-up of certain players and storylines that will probably be followed throughout the season. It’s a good show, perhaps only failing in not sticking with the Castro incident longer (it was covered far more in the preview episode, if I remember), but make sure no young children are around while watching.

More after the jump (and SPOILERS), including the first installment of the Ozzie Guillen “Carlin Word” Counter:

• Heath Bell is going to clearly be one of the recurring storylines this year, and with good reason: he was one of the big free-agent signings and he has been uneven at best this season. At one point, Guillen tells Bell that everybody, including Mrs. Ozzie Guillen, wants him out of the closer’s role. When David Samson, the Marlins’ president (and, it should be noted, owner Jeffrey Loria’s step-son) asks Guillen if he only has Bell in the closer role because of how much he was signed for, Guillen basically tells him that how much they paid Bell is the front office’s problem, not his.
• Last season, the best and most constant thing in The Franchise was Brian Wilson (who didn’t let being injured stop him from bringing a Sasquatch to the ESPYs last night). So it was somewhat of a surprise that Miami’s answer to Wilson in sheer bizarreness, Logan Morrison, didn’t really appear in this until the end credits. Morrison knew it too, joke-threatening the producers of the show and demanding that Showtime make it up to him by giving him a role in an episode of Dexter.
• Dan Le Batard, well-known from his appearances on ESPN, is something of the unofficial narrator of the series. The series does have a real narrator, but most of the time it seems like we are hearing excerpts from Le Batard’s radio show every time something happens. This isn’t bad, merely an observation.
• David Samson is one of the most colorful characters in the series so far, with a liking of unusual metaphors and occasional publicity stunts for charity, such as running a double marathon.
• Jeffrey Loria’s role in the destruction of the Montreal Expos is left unmentioned.
• Giancarlo Stanton basically admits that he was going by “Mike Stanton” because it was easier to say, and that he changed back because he didn’t think that was a good reason. Next week, by the way, will feature his injury and surgery, which caused him to miss the All-Star Game, leaving Miami without any All-Stars. Presumably all of the cameramen that MLB and Showtime sent to Kansas City to follow Stanton around ended up doing a bit on the Marlins representative(s) at the Futures Game, or Billy the Marlin, or something. I guess we’ll find out next week.
• Jose Reyes comes off as rather likable, and so does Hanley Ramirez. There is clearly no ill will between the two over Reyes taking Ramirez’s old SS spot. Most of the time, they are shown playing video games together or making jokes.
• The preview episode had an appearance by Mohammed Ali. This episode has Miami Heat player Shane Battier make an appearance.
• Somewhat surprising, Scott Cousins doesn’t make much of an appearance this episode. I say this because, by using Cousins, they could link this season with last season of The Franchise. Cousins was the player who ran into Buster Posey last season.
• Other surprising omissions: Josh Johnson, Ricky Nolasco and Mark Buerhle (beyond some stuff at the beginning).
• Most surreal moment: Samson and GM Michael Hill trading for Carlos Lee and preparing to send Gaby Sanchez to AAA… while Gaby Sanchez hits a game-tying home run on the TV.
• The world now knows that the Miami Marlins’ wives lost in softball to their Tampa Bay counterparts, despite Ozzie Guillen’s urging that they “play better than their husbands”.

As The Franchise continues, I will be keeping track of the poetry and language of one of the great orators of our time: Ozzie Guillen. To be more exact, I will be keeping track of his eloquent use of the late George Carlin’s seven dirty words.

So, without further ado, here is the debut of the Ozzie Guillen “Carlin Word” Counter:

F-Bombs: Approx. 39 (not counting words that accuse one of an incestuous relationship with a maternal figure, nor are the up-to-97 usages of the F-Bomb that Guillen apparently used during the first team meeting according to Jeffrey Loria, of which only a few made it to the show)
S-Words: 6 (including references to horse excrement)
Other “Carlin Words”: 3 (all of them being words that accuse one of having an incestuous relationship with a maternal figure)

Total Carlin Words in Episode 1: Approx. 48 (approximately one Carlin Word is said by Ozzie Guillen every 75 seconds)