In a Ken Rosenthal article earlier today, a rival GM said that Dodgers Manager Don Mattingly is practically trying to get fired after his infamous ripping into of longtime RF Andre Ethier on Wednesday. However, despite that and the horrible 19-26 start for the Dodgers, he is expected to still be the skipper of Los Angeles when the sun rises on Friday.
Therefore, if we were to foolishly take the rival GM’s quotation literally, we can only guess that Mattingly has not done enough to get fired. Therefore, I have suggestions for him as he tries to escape the black hole of horrible the Dodgers’ season has been so far:
- Accuse Tommy Lasorda of not actually bleeding Dodger Blue, but instead bleeding the red that everyone else has.
- Hit the pitcher in the clean-up spot for kicks.
- Leave game in the 7th inning to beat traffic.
- Criticize Vin Scully. Note that doing this is not just grounds for termination, but is grounds for being shot into the heart of the sun.
- Say that you wish the Dodgers had go-getters like Carlos Quentin.
- Call AJ Ellis by the name of “DJ Elliot” for no apparent reason whatsoever.
- Show up in Anaheim in a Angels uniform, see if you can get past security.
- Sign Dwight Howard to play CF.
- Give a long discussion on how you would approach 5-base baseball.
- Donald Duck suit.
- And the easiest way of all to get fired: keep having the team play .422 baseball.