Do you want to be a racing mascot? Well… GOOD NEWS!

There is good news for those of you who aim to win athletic glory while wearing a big-headed mascot uniform: the Oakland Athletics are hiring for just such a position! Yes, you can be a racing mascot, defeating your foes and amusing the masses while in a caricature version of somebody like Rollie Fingers, Rickey Henderson or Dennis Eckersley. Wait… no Connie Mack? No Jimmie Foxx? No Reggie Jackson?

Jeez, Athletics, are you even TRYING in this racing mascot thing? Oh well, I guess I’ll have to make due. Let’s see what this requires….

• Prior experience in promotions, performing in costume and customer service preferred.

Well, two out of three isn’t too bad, although one of those two I wasn’t a professi-… wait… preferred? Ha! That means it isn’t required! I’m good!

• Must be comfortable performing and interacting with fans in front of large crowds and on camera.

Full disclosure: When I was like eight, I jumped on top of a dugout and danced on it. Everybody thought it was hilarious except for my parents and the security guards. Tough crowd. So… I’m good!

• Must be reliable, punctual, courteous, have good listening skills and ability to multi-task.

Standard stuff, I’m good!

• Must have high energy, enthusiasm and excitement to promote the A’s brand.

I wrote an article on how the A’s brand should survive even if they move to San Jose! That’s total promotion and excitement about the brand! I’m good!

• Must have strong ability to work well with all employees in a team environment.

Okay, this may be a problem, because I think of myself as something of a method actor. If I’m in the costume, I am the costume. So, it’s entirely possible that I’d start referring to myself in the third person or something, which would be weird. Still, I’m sure I’d be able to manage it, so I’m good!

• Must have ability to run a minimum of 250 yards in a 50 pound costume. Running skills will be tested.

It wouldn’t be graceful at all, but I’d probably be able to handle it. So I’m good!

• Must have ability to perform and entertain while wearing a 50 pound costume for extended periods of time.

See above.

• Must be able to lift and carry items up to 50lbs.

Shouldn’t be too much of a problem, hopefully.

• Must be available to work during all A’s home games and outside appearances as needed, including days, nights, weekends and holidays, throughout the 2015 baseball season.

Hey, if they are willing to get me to Oakland, I’m willing to…

• Must have reliable transportation and live in or close to the Oakland area.

CRAP.

 

Well, maybe one day I shall win glory as a racing mascot. Maybe one day….

 

 

 

 

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Taft added to the Presidents Race

An update to my post on racing mascots:

The Washington Nationals have added another president to their race, perhaps to keep interest in the race after Teddy Roosevelt finally winning.

So who’s the new president? Is it JFK? Woodrow Wilson? Tricky Dick Nixon? Would Jefferson Davis be brought in as a villain?

Nope, it’s William Howard Taft.

Presumably, Taft also can run in the Supreme Court Justice Race, should the Nationals ever create on.

Okay, you can now move on with your day.

The Ultimate Unofficial Guide to Racing Mascots

There are rumors that the unprecedented may happen before the end of the season. No, not that the Orioles could make the postseason… something far more unprecedented: Teddy Roosevelt may win the Washington Nationals’ Presidents Race. You see, in Washington they have the four presidents from Mount Rushmore race every night. But while George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abe Lincoln have all won plenty of times, Theodore Roosevelt has never won. Ever. Despite the fact that they’ve been racing since July of 2006.  There even was a Ken Burns mini-documentary about it on ESPN, where Senator John McCain declared that he was considering congressional hearings over this. With the Nationals now going to the postseason and with plenty of promotion over Teddy for the final homestand of the season, some are taking this to mean that he may finally win.
Only time will tell whether this is true. However, it does bring the opportunity to go over the various racing mascots in Major League Baseball, because, well, why not?

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