In yet another case of eBay providing mankind access to anything possible, we now see the ultimate souvenir for the discerning Mike Trout aficionado (which is, to say, everyone): a card of the Millville Meteor back when he was a Cub.

“When was Mike Trout a Cub?”, you ask? I can understand, after all, as likely as it is that the Cubs would be able to squander away Mike Trout, it feels like that’s something you’d remember, right?

Well, that’s because it’s not the Chicago Cubs, but rather the Steelman Photo Cubs of the Millville American Cal Ripken League. Yes, it’s a baseball card of 11-year-old Mike Trout:

And it’s all available for the low, low, price of $8,927.27! It’s signed too! Yes, somebody not only went through the trouble to somehow track down a little league trading card from 2003, but they got Mike Trout to sign it. As far as I know, there are only a few types of people who would have been able to do that:

A) Mike Trout himself.

B) Mike Trout’s immediate family.

C) Mike Trout’s Little League teammates and coaches.

D) The guy who was hired to make and print these cards in the first place, who keeps copies of them just in case any of the kids become the greatest player on the planet.

E) A local bully who beat up Mike Trout and then took his lunch money and baseball card, which Trout had signed because he believed that if he became a big-leaguer one day, he’d better have had practiced his signature.

F) Somebody who Mike Trout should really consider putting a restraining order on.

Logically, one of them is who put this up on eBay.

Sadly, whoever acquired this didn’t find the true holy grail, as something that needs to be noted here is that this card lacks Trout’s Little League statistics. This is very important. I remember when I was growing up (and I’m, alas, older than Trout), I got my statistics on the back of my card. But, nope, all we get for Trout is this:

All that we can learn from this is that Mike Trout, when he was 11, was 5’1” and weighed 102 lbs. So, guess what, folks? Young Mike Trout was not fat! In fact, he was a little slim! That’s nice and all, but I wanted to see what his stats were. Was he a Pablo Sanchez-level secret weapon? We may never know…