Chris Colabello: Too Real For Hollywood

So, there is this guy. He’s a ballplayer. Not a particularly great or notable one, but still a ballplayer. He’s so desperate to keep playing that after college he moves to the land of his ancestors: Italy. He plays baseball there, is pretty good. Falls in love with a local. Marries her, they spend their days split between Massachusetts and Italy. They have a son.

That son follows in his father’s footsteps, growing up and playing baseball on two continents. Trials and tribulations- of his own making and of fate’s- seem to keep him from reaching his true potential, and after college he, like his father, finds his baseball career seemingly at an end. Except instead of across the sea, the son stays near home: Independent Ball. The last hope or only shot of the truly baseball-desperate. Pitiful salaries, long bus rides, no fame… only dreams.

He spends seven years there, occasionally leaving to represent Italia, the land where he grew up and where his mother was born. Most would quit, or at least consider other options. This guy doesn’t. He keeps going, and finally, when he’s in his late 20s, he’s doing so well he cannot be ignored. A major league organization signs him, and at age 28 he begins his first Minor League season, nearly four years older than his average teammate.

And he is a revelation, as he becomes one of the best hitters on a team with some of the farm system’s best prospects. The next year, in AAA, he does it again and is named MVP in the league, becoming a fan favorite in a Upstate New York town in a season that began with him pacing his ancestral home to it’s best showing in the history of the World Baseball Classic.

Except…. it’s not the end. He was called up. He doesn’t do all that well in his first stint in the show, but it’s a dream that he had scraped and clawed for so long, finally achieved. That offseason, with no guarantees of a roster spot the next season, he is offered a big money deal from a team in Korea. He could make more money than he ever has. He refuses, as it would mean shutting the door, perhaps permanently, on his Major League dreams.

At first, it seems he made the right decision. He gets a roster spot and starts the year on a historic tear, breaking the team RBI record for April that had been set by a legendary man. He hits a home run in front of his parents as they are interviewed on television, a birthday gift to his mother.

But then… it falls apart. April proves the exception, and in late May he is sent down to AAA… even as the program-covers that greet fans at the Major League ballpark bear his face. He goes back and forth like a yo-yo, but ultimately he spends more time in AAA than he does in the show.

For some, this would be the end. Those gasps of major league greatness would be all there would be. Not for him. The next year, after a good start in AAA, he goes to a third country: Canada. He never recaptures that April, and he doesn’t play every game… but he doesn’t need to. He’s another bat in a lineup of big bats. He has a career year, and he is a mainstay in the starting lineup during the postseason, where he hits two home runs.

It seems, perhaps, that he has finally arrived. But then, the next season, he starts on a slump. Some wonder if he might again get sent down. And then, late in April, the slump becomes the least of his worries.

He’s suspended for 80 games for using a Performance Enhancing Drug. An old one. East German. And suddenly, a story that seemed too extraordinary for Hollywood becomes one that is too real for Hollywood.

It’s the story of Chris Colabello, son of Lou Colabello. His has been a story of near-biblical persistence and long odds. A story that brought him from Italy and Massachusetts, through New Britain and Rochester and Minneapolis and Buffalo, and finally to Toronto. That he suddenly is caught using a Cold War-era PED in some ways casts a shroud of doubt on all of it.

There is, of course, no way of knowing if that is the case. It seems unlikely that he would have been using such a obvious and classic steroid for so long without getting caught. After all, this is a player who would have been subject not just to the MLB tests of the past few years, but also tests in the minors and in overseas competitions.

Perhaps he was using something else this whole time.

Perhaps it was just a mistake. It could have been a accident or (for the more conspiracy-prone) an act of malice by a trainer or pharmacist.

Or maybe, having finally truly tasted the highest heights of his profession, Chris Colabello thought he needed to do anything and everything he could to stay there, or perhaps even go higher. And perhaps, like Icarus, he got too close to the sun.

I don’t know. Nobody, aside perhaps from Colabello himself, knows.

And perhaps that is why his suspension is so unsettling to myself and many other baseball fans, particularly fans of the Twins and Blue Jays. An icon of hard work and perseverance, suddenly found to have been taking the easy way out. Over a decade of work, seemingly thrown away.

What this means… I’m not sure I’ll ever know. I’m not sure if we’ll ever know.

Perhaps it just means that Chris Colabello, like all of us… is human.

Who’d be on MLB Money?

After reading about the addition of Harriet Tubman to the 20 dollar bill, I got to thinking: If Major League Baseball had it’s own currency, who’d be on it?

It’s not entirely outlandish. After all, there are Disney Dollars and up in Canada they have Canadian Tire money, it’s not that much out of the realm of possibility that baseball could have it’s own currency that could only be used at ballparks, team stores, and the like. Maybe they could call them “Baseball Bucks”, or something like that.

So… who’d be on these… Baseball Bucks?

$1: Henry Chadwick. The one-dollar Baseball Buck would have to, like George Washington on the US $1, be that of a founding father. While Chadwick can’t be considered as one of baseball’s many possible inventors, he was one of the men who helped promote it and made it a widely-played sport.. He also developed many of the game’s mainstay statistics, such as batting average and ERA. It’s not surprising, really, that some have called him the “Father of Baseball”. So, it feels right that he’d be on the $1 Baseball Buck. On the other side of the $1 Baseball Buck would be a image of the Elysian Fields in New Jersey as it was during the early days of baseball.

$2: Ty Cobb. Thomas Jefferson is a guy who was so great, important, and brilliant that he kind of has to be on money, but who’s life was so full of personal failings and hypocrisy that at times you kind of wish you didn’t have to put him on money. So in some ways it’s good that he’s on the two-dollar-bill, the rarest of all currently-printed banknotes. I’d imagine that a similar arrangement would exist for Baseball Bucks. Ty Cobb was too good and too important of a player to be ignored, but, well, he was Ty Cobb, possibly the meanest son-of-a-gun to ever play the game. He possibly once killed a drifter, he once beat up a crippled man, and his racism is so well-known that it’s entirely possible he was less racist than many people think he was (he was still pretty racist, he just wasn’t as racist as Cap Anson, who was certifiably The Worst). But he also was unquestionably the greatest baseball player of all time before Babe Ruth showed up and still stands as one of the greatest hitters who ever lived, so…. he’s going to be the Baseball Bucks version of Thomas Jefferson. The reverse of the $2 Baseball Buck would be the late Tiger Stadium.

$5: Jackie Robinson. The $1 dollar bill belongs to the father, but $5 dollar bill belongs to the emancipator. Perhaps that is giving Jackie Robinson too much credit- after all, the integration of baseball was ultimately a result of many men (and women!), both black and white- but the fact remains that Jackie Robinson, more than anybody else in baseball history, belongs on money. And I’m talking about real money here, not fake hypothetical baseball money. So, not surprisingly, he’s a shoo-in for being on a Baseball Buck. The reverse of the $5 Baseball Buck would be Jackie Robinson sliding in as he steals home against Yogi Berra and the Yankees during the 1955 World Series.

$10: Ted Williams. I can’t really make any deep connection between Alexander Hamilton and Ted Williams (outside of the fact that they were both workaholic veterans who didn’t have the most stable of family lives growing up and made a bunch of enemies), but… c’mon, he’s Ted Williams. He’d have to be on a Baseball Buck. The reverse of the $10 Baseball Buck would be Fenway Park.

$20: Satchel Paige. There needs to be a pitcher amongst these legends, and while Walter Johnson, Cy Young, Sandy Koufax or Greg Maddux (amongst others) would all have fine claims, none of them were as colorful and legendary as Satchel Paige, who would also provide a nice nod to the great Negro Leaguers. The reverse of the $20 Baseball Buck would be the Negro Leagues Museum in Kansas City.

$50: John McGraw. There needs to be a manager. John McGraw is the greatest manager of all time (anybody who disagrees is also disagreeing with Connie Mack, who once declared that McGraw was the only true manager in baseball), so he’s it. It would make sense to have him be the $50 Baseball Buck, since the real fifty-dollar-bill has Ulysses Grant- a general- on it. The reverse of the $50 Baseball Buck would be Comiskey Park during the first All-Star Game, which McGraw managed in.

$100: Babe Ruth. It’s all about the Babe. And, just as Ben Franklin excelled in multiple areas and had a infamous appetite for food and women, so did the Bambino… although admittedly pitching and hitting is a bit different than politics and science (and writing, and philosophy, and… you get the idea.) And, much like how Ben Franklin was the first grand American celebrity, Ruth was baseball’s first megastar. Who else could be on the biggest denomination? The reverse of the $100 Baseball Buck would be the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown.

You may be wondering who’d be on the coins. Well, there wouldn’t be any coins, probably. I mean, Disney doesn’t have any coins in their Disney Dollars, so I don’t think MLB would, either. Maybe I can do that in another post….

CONTINUUCAST 9 featuring @StaceGots, WBC News and a special BIZARRE BASEBALL CULTURE announcement!

The Baseball Continuum Continuucast’s ninth episode with special guest Stacey Gostulias (and her cat)! Hit play above, download by right-clicking here, follow the RSS feed here or follow on iTunes here or Stitcher here (if the latest episode isn’t up yet, it will be shortly).

The 9th Continuucast, now able to fill a NL starting lineup!

 

First, Dan talks to Stacey Gotsulias (and her cat) about the Yankees, New Yankee Stadium, the super-expensive seats in said stadium, the possibility that baseball may one day have ads on uniforms, baseball’s attempts at broadening it’s fanbase, and more. Big thanks to Stacey, who can be followed on Twitter at @StaceGots!

 

Next, Dan give his opinions on Jim Leyland being hired for Team USA in 2017.

 

Finally, Dan previews the next Continuucast, and makes a special announcement about another area that the Baseball Continuum is expanding into! Fans of BIZARRE BASEBALL CULTURE will want to hear this!

 

Music/Sounds Featured:

 

“The National Game” by John Phillip Sousa

 

“Here Come The Yankees”

 

The World Baseball Classic Theme

 

“Flight of the Bumblebee” (AKA The Green Hornet Theme) by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov performed by the US Army Band (special “Bizarre Baseball Culture” remix by Dan Glickman featuring the Pablo Sanchez Theme and clips from previous and future Bizarre Baseball Culture pieces)

 

The Theme from Fallout 4

 

All sound and music used is either public domain or is a short snippet that falls under fair use.

 

30 Teams, 30 Posts (2016): “We’re Gonna Lose Twins”

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to (and aftermath of) the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Twins entry.

We’re Gonna Lose Twins

To be sung to the tune of “We’re Gonna Win Twins”

We’re gonna lose Twins, we’re gonna fail!
We’re gonna lose Twins, there’s another nail!
There are no home runs, shout out a “No Way!”!
Dear God help the Minnesota Twins today!

We’re gonna lose Twins, gosh-darnit all!
Nobody here has hit the cover off the ball!
Let’s hear it for the team that will try to find a way!
Dear God help the Minnesota Twins today!

 

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): I don’t know anything about the Padres

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to (and aftermath of) the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Padres entry.

I know nothing about the Padres. Okay, not nothing, but they are probably one of my biggest weak-spots. I… basically know nothing about them. Oh, I know Matt Kemp is still pretty good, and both Tyson Ross and James Shields are not bad pitchers, despite the beating the Dodgers gave Ross on Monday. Oh, and Will Myers is still a guy!

But…. yeah, I really don’t know much about them. And I won’t insult you by claiming otherwise.

So instead, let’s talk about how awesome the logo is:

I mean, look at that. It combines the best portions of previous Padres graphical identities into a nice combo.

And that’s cool.

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): The Best Unofficial Tigers T-Shirts

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Tigers’ entry.

Some of the best T-shirts for baseball teams aren’t from the teams themselves, but rather from fans and artists! Here are some of the best unofficial Detroit Tiger shirts!

For example, here’s a shirt that combined the Tigers with the Lions, creating a…. Liger, I guess. Tigon?

Screen Shot 2016-04-04 at 12.30.19 PMOr, hey, why not do ALL FOUR Detroit teams in one t-shirt?

Screen Shot 2016-04-04 at 12.41.50 PMWant a pixel-art shirt of the Tigers mascot? Because that totally exists:

Screen Shot 2016-04-04 at 12.43.24 PMI may have featured this in a previous round-up of unofficial shirts, but it’s a good one… CRUSH-IT CABRERA:

Screen Shot 2016-04-04 at 12.45.23 PMBane and the Detroit Tigers logo go together way better than you would think:

Screen Shot 2016-04-04 at 12.47.28 PMHere’s a cool-looking Justin Verlander shirt:

Screen Shot 2016-04-04 at 12.52.55 PMOr, you can go classic and pay tribute to baseball’s greatest battery:

Screen Shot 2016-04-04 at 12.55.35 PMYou can also pay tribute to the late, great, Ernie Harwell:

Screen Shot 2016-04-04 at 12.57.43 PMOr, finally, you could salute the Tigers teams of the 1980s with this Kirk Gibson minor league shirsey:

Screen Shot 2016-04-04 at 1.04.23 PM

Pretty cool, huh?

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): Will the Cardinals finally miss the playoffs?

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Cardinals’ entry.

In 2010, the St. Louis Cardinals went 86-76, and missed the playoffs.

They have made it every year since then. They are now the playoff constant that the Atlanta Braves and New York Yankees once were. And yet, in the tough NL Central, it’s entirely possible that this season may see them finally miss the postseason for the first time since that 2010 team.

It’s not that the Cardinals will be bad, so much as that they are in the NL Central, with the Cubs and the Pirates. They also are, slowly, getting older. Matt Holliday is 36. Adam Wainwright is 34. Yadier Molina is 33 and those catching legs can’t be in the best shape. The Cubs and Pirates are younger, the Brewers are on their way up (although it’s doubtful they will be a threat this season). The window maybe, just maybe, could be closing.

On the other hand, these are the Cardinals. They excel at beating expectations. The “Devil Magic” may never stop.

Or will it?

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): Cleveland should change it’s logo to Louis Sockalexis

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2016 season (and in some cases the aftermath). Earlier installments can be found here. Now, the Indians.

The Cleveland Indians, have, wisely, decided to demote Chief Wahoo. It’d be even better if they banished him entirely, or at least relegated him only to throwback uniform days, but it’s a start. Instead, they’ll be going with the block-C logo.

But… why not actually pay tribute to the person who Cleveland has claimed was the inspiration of the name? Louis Sockalexis. Oh, whether or not Cleveland is actually called the Indians because of Sockalexis is… complicated, the fact remains, as the great Joe Posnanski said in that article:

“I don’t believe the Indians were named to honor Louis Sockalexis, not exactly. But I do believe the Indians name could honor him. That choice is ours.”

So… why not honor him? Change the logo to show him or acknowledge him. Perhaps the logo can BE Louis Sockalexis. oh, sure, he wasn’t the most handsome guy, but to honor him would be a much better logo than the hyper-racist Chief Wahoo.

So do it, Cleveland. Make Louis Sockalexis the icon and logo of your team.

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): The Nationals are no longer the hot pick, so they might as well win the NL

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to (and in some cases the aftermath of) the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Nationals entry.

Last season, the Nationals were the trendy pick to win the World Series. This year, they are not.

Which probably means they’ll go and win the NL because baseball history is full of teams going on to win after everyone else has moved on to a new pick. The best Cardinals team of this century (2004) didn’t win the World Series, but two years later (2006) a 83-76 team won it, for example. Plenty of people probably picked the Cardinals in 2004. I doubt as many picked them in 2006, at least once the playoffs started and they only had a 83-win season.

So… why not the the Nationals? They still have Bryce Harper, they still have Max Scherzer and Stephen Strasburg. Jonathan Papelbon is…well…. Jonathan Papelbon, for better and for worse. Maybe Daniel Murphy will be even half as good as he was in the postseason last year. Are they as good on paper as some previous Nationals teams? No. But, well, these games aren’t played on paper.

So… why not the Nationals?

 

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): The Brewers Beer Barrel Man is a robot

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to (and in some cases the aftermath of) the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Brewers entry.

 

Let’s look at the Milwaukee Brewers’ “Beer Barrel Man” logo of the 1970s and their time in the minor leagues:

What does that look like to you?

To me, it looks like a robot. You are never going to convince me otherwise, so don’t even try.

(For more substantial Brewers talk, listen to my conversation with Travis Sarandos of Brew Crew Ball in the most recent Continuucast.)