(Blogathon ’16) Baseball Card Haikus

This post is part of the 2016 Baseball Continuum Blogathon For Charity, benefiting the Roswell Park Alliance Foundation. The Roswell Park Alliance Foundation is the charitable arm of Roswell Park Cancer Institute and funds raised will be “put to immediate use to increase the pace from research trials into improved clinical care, to ensure state-of-the-art facilities, and to help improve the quality of life for patients and their families.” Please donate through the Blogathon’s GoFundMe page.

Once, long ago, in the distant year of 2013, I went on a quest to write a crummy Haiku about every card I found in a potpourri of a value pack of baseball cards. It ended at number 18.

But, this morning, it returns. Now, I won’t be doing a “true” Haiku, but I will be doing the 5-7-5 format.

ballcards 7Oh Frank Liriano

On a faux-retro ball card

Fastball no-no Zoom

ballcards 6The Late Great Gary

On a non-MLB card

Who needs a logo

ballcards 5Bob Walk is stretching

Throwing the sphere that he is

Hopeful not his name

ballcards 4John with his helmet

In the field and at the plate

Rickey remembers

ballcardsThe Ghost of Rod Beck

Haunting the living Rod Beck

‘Tis Rod Beckception

At 3 AM: The Catcher Was A Spy

This post has been part of the 2016 Baseball Continuum Blogathon For Charity, benefiting the Roswell Park Alliance Foundation. The Roswell Park Alliance Foundation is the charitable arm of Roswell Park Cancer Institute and funds raised will be “put to immediate use to increase the pace from research trials into improved clinical care, to ensure state-of-the-art facilities, and to help improve the quality of life for patients and their families.” Please donate through the Blogathon’s GoFundMe page.

Over at @HOVG: Wisdom and Links unveils the secret passwords of MLB teams!

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Yesterday, the latest “Wisdom and Links” went up on Hall of Very Good. It reveals TOP SECRET INFORMATION from Fakey McFakerson about the passwords of MLB teams.

Oh, and also: Links!

Check it out.

Hall of Fame Day: What To Watch For

It’s Hall of Fame Day. This year, Ken Griffey will almost certainly get in, and Mike Piazza is pretty likely. Jeff Bagwell and Tim Raines also have shots, although it will be close.

Some other things though to watch for:

1) How does Trevor Hoffman do?

The greatest closer in the history of the National League is unlikely to get in on the first ballot, but does seem likely to eventually get on. Held back by the fact he played on some crummy teams and never gaining the postseason glory of his AL opposite number (Mariano Rivera), Hoffman is perhaps not as highly-regarded as he should be. How he does in this, his first year on the ballot, will probably be a good

2) With the balloting list purged, do the PED users and Sabermetric darlings gain?

Many voters- mainly ones who are old or have not covered baseball in a long while- had their votes taken away starting this year. Normally I’m against disenfranchising people, but it was always ridiculous that a person who hadn’t covered baseball in the slightest since 1992 could vote in the Hall of Fame. These voters tended to be older, more traditional, more hostile towards statistics, and more draconian in dealing with the PED era. With them gone, will we see PED users and favorites of the statistical community gain? I feel like we will, but by how much is a big question.

3) What player is most going to get screwed over by the fact that voters can still only vote for 10 people, and then likely fall off the ballot?

Jim Edmonds. I don’t know if he’s a Hall of Famer, but he certainly shouldn’t be falling off the ballot in his first year.

4) Will some idiot not vote for Ken Griffey Jr.?

Yes. There’s always somebody.

5) Will they be brave enough to come forward?

If they do, then they are both brave and foolish at the same time, especially if they have some sort of stupid reason and it isn’t a case of “I knew he was being inducted so I voted for Jim Edmonds to try and keep him on the ballot”. Actually, that’s a stupid reason too, but that more has to do with the Hall of Fame’s continued denial of the BBWAA’s requests to be able to vote for more than 10 people.

 

So, keep an eye open for the answers to these questions.

Best of 2015- Bizarre Baseball Culture: Fallout 4’s surprisingly-high level of Baseball

Originally published November 24, 2015.

In Bizarre Baseball Culture, I take a look at some of the more unusual places where baseball has reared it’s head in pop culture and fiction.

(Note: The following contains spoilers for Fallout 4. Click on each picture to make it larger if you are having trouble reading text or seeing something.)

It is October 23, 2077. The world is at war, and fear of nuclear annihilation is high. However, for you, it is just another day in a Boston suburb with your spouse and your young son. And, obviously, your son, Shaun, is a baseball fan in the making, as you can see a small glove and ball that you can comment on:

ShaunGlove

shaunball

As you receive your coffee and paper from your robotic butler, Codsworth, you hear something in the corner of your living room. On a black-and-white TV, a newsman with the voice of Ron Perlman (who has a role in every Fallout game, usually as a narrator of some kind) updates you on the day’s events and weather before going to sports:

perlman1

perlman2

perlman3

Yes, it’s World Series time in Boston, as the Red Sox are looking to win their first title in over a century and a half!

You are then interrupted by a salesman selling a spot in a underground fallout shelter, called a Vault. After that’s done, you go check on your son and talk to your wife. She thinks maybe everyone should go for a walk in the park this afternoon. Pffft, you say:

misstheworldseries

Of course, you do end up missing the World Series. After this conversation, you get news that atomic missiles are incoming. You rush to the nearest vault. Stuff happens, and you wake up 210 years later with your wife gone and your son missing.

(More below the jump!)

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Best of 2015- Yes, there are some long-dead white guys who still belong in the Hall of Fame

Originally published December 7, 2015.

Today, the Veteran’s Committee once again failed to induct anybody. This year, it was the “Pre-Integration Era” panel doing the voting. That in itself is a bit of a problem, as (despite the name) it only focuses on the white portion of the pre-integration days, under the logic that Sol White and other deadball-era Negro Leaguers went in during a special election. This, along with the fact that these guys are long, long dead, have made some people call for the end of this “era” in the Hall of Fame voting.

I can definitely see the reasoning, and it definitely needs to be changed, but the idea that everyone from the ancient days of baseball who is worthy is in the Hall of Fame is flawed. Yes, 95% of fans would have no idea who they are, but that isn’t a reason not to include them.

For example:

  • Doc Adams helped make baseball as we know it…. baseball as we know it. He even created the position of shortstop. Him not being in the Hall of Fame is sad, a result of not having good publicists like Alexander Cartwright had and more research coming into focus over the years after the time where there would have been people who remembered him.
  • Bill Dahlen had a 42-game hit streak, was among the leaders in most offensive categories at his retirement, and was one of the better defensive shortstops of his day.
  • Wes Ferrell, one of the few players on the Pre-Integration Ballot who was entirely in the 20th century, has one of the best JAWS scores by pitchers not in the Hall of Fame, and also has the record for most HRs by a pitcher in a career (non-Babe Ruth category, obviously).
  • Harry Stovey was one of the few players of the 19th century who could be called a power-hitter, hitting 122 career HRs, becoming the first player in history to have 100, and at one point holding the single-season HR mark (with 14).
  • And, finally, there’s Pete Browning. Pete Browning is like my pet overlooked 19th-century ballplayer. Browning’s career .341 batting average is 13th overall, and was one of the greatest hitters of the American Association and the short-lived Players League. Also, he is indirectly responsible for the creation of the Louisville Slugger, as he went to Hillerich and Bradsby for custom-made bats after one of Hillerich’s bats helped him break out of a hitting slump in 1884. Browning, amazingly, didn’t even appear in the latest VC ballot. This- and the fact he isn’t in already- probably came about because his best years came in the American Association and Player’s League, not the National League, and history, as they say, is written by the victors.

 

So, I say get those guys in… and then drastically change how this is done:

  • Make it open to Negro Leaguers as well. Yes, the 2006 inductions did a great job bringing in some of the older Negro League greats from before integration, but there is no reason why they shouldn’t still be considered.
  • Make this committee a less-common occurrence. Have it every six years, instead of every three years. Allow the “Golden Era” and “Expansion Era” votes be more common to make up for the difference.
  • Either make the committee entirely made up of just experts of the era, or have a slightly lower threshold for election.

So, yeah, that’s what I think.

Best of 2015- “Deep Dream” turns baseball images into nightmares

Originally published July 17, 2015.

Hey kids, it’s Hunter Pence!

Good old Hunter Pence, sticking his tongue out and diving for the ball…. now, let’s have Google’s Deep Dream take a look at Hunter Pence! It’s meant to show how a computer looks at things looking for images and such. So, what does it see with Hunter Pence?

73de0cc0-009f-41a1-b44d-4d2d3856baf7AHHHHHHHH!

wally_laying_down_1024x768Oh, Wally. You scared me there. I was worried for a second…

8944e81b-570c-4e4b-969a-99ca298e0725AHHHHHH! PLEASE GOD GET IT AWAY FROM ME, AHHHHH!

AP_arod_alex_rodriguez_tk_130805_16x9_992Oh. Alex Rodriguez, you don’t look nearly as demonic in person as some people on the internet say…

abfe74ee-00a9-4efc-8090-d8977989a9d9I TAKE IT ALL BACK, PLEASE DON’T EAT MY SOUL!

2213852Huh, a Dodger Dog and some beer. There are worse things, I suppose…

6901315e-5cb8-40b1-92fc-a3e51ad9ab3fNOOOO DEAR GOD, IT’S BECOME LIKE A HORSE-FISH-DOG-CTHULHU THING! OH, THE HUMANITY!

MrMetOh no…

6b4972dc-3704-4111-b4dd-646b607df3c8Nonononononononononono

8e903468-e4bd-43a1-8f7b-5fe8564aac6bOhgodohgodohgodohgod…

71955ed4-6ff4-4f76-ae9e-0d317d028689WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY

ac04c43f-60c1-402a-bafc-633b8429a4d8YOU MADE THE HOME RUN SCULPTURE WEIRDER?!?! HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT!?!?!

2af8eb9f-0cc3-4984-bf18-170e4346a1d6THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A BASEBALL GLOVE NOT A MANY-EYED MONSTER BEYOND MAN’S COMPREHENSION! I’M OUT OF HERE BEFORE I LOSE MY SANITY!

Oh, but the Art-Deco functions and stuff are cool:

41b181df-63ff-4b87-a5a8-c3622689786eCome back this weekend for Bizarre Baseball Culture, and until then experiment with the Deep Dream stuff over at Dreamscope.

Best of 2015- The Full Scientific Names for Baseball Teams

Originally published August 16, 2015.

Ever wonder what the scientific names for your favorite animal-named baseball teams would be?

No?

Well, too bad, because here we go:

The Toronto Cyanocitta cristata

The Baltimore Icterus galbula

The St. Louis Cardinalis cardinalis

The Tampa Bay Rhinoptera bonasus

The Detroit Panthera tigris

The Miami Makaira nigricans

The Arizona Crotalus atrox

 …But, wait, we can go deeper! Let’s go into the Minor Leagues and sample some of the animal teams there!

The Toledo Fulica americana (It turns out a “Mud Hen” is actually a duck-like bird called the American Coot, which is a type of Rail)

The Buffalo Bison bison

The Durham Bos taurus

The Memphis Cardinalis cardinalis (yes, the name Redbird is literally a synonym for Cardinal)

The Fresno Ursus arctos

The El Paso Canis lupus familiaris (a Chihuahua, in the end, is just a dog)

The Salt Lake Apis mellifera

The Richmond Glaucomys volans

The Carolina Ameiurus natalis

The Myrtle Beach Pelecanus erythrorhynchos

The Brevard County Trichechus manatus

The Clearwater Alopias vulpinus

The Charlotte (Florida) Menippe mercenaria

The Jupiter Sphyrna mokarran

The Beloit Chelydra serpentina

The Wisconsin Crotalus horridus

The West Virginia Ursus americanus

The Missoula Pandion haliaetus

The Idaho Falls Alectoris chukar

The Ogden Utahraptor ostrommaysorum (Yeah, they have a dinosaur.)

AND NOW YOU KNOW!

Best of 2015- How many sports has Mario played?

Originally published on September 12, 2015.

The question of who the greatest video game athlete of all time is a hard one. Many go with Bo Jackson, with good reason. Still others (such as the Cespedes BBQ duo) wisely go with the Secret Weapon himself, Pablo Sanchez. But for sheer variety, none can defeat Mario, the most versatile athlete in video game history, who, by coincidence, celebrates the 30th anniversary of the release of Super Mario Brothers today!

And today, to honor National Video Games Day, which I just found out exists like ten minutes ago on Twitter, I’m running down every single sport Mario has ever played.

(Go below the jump for more)

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Over at @HOVG: Merry Rickeymas!

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It’s the annual celebration of Rickeymas over at the Hall of Very Good! So check it out!

Over at @HOVG, I pitch a Star Wars movie made up entirely of baseball names

Aside

Over at Hall of Very Good, my latest went up yesterday. It’s about how you could probably pitch a pretty good Star Wars movie using only baseball names for characters and locations.

Check it out.