Category Archives: Non-Baseball

Bizarre Baseball Culture: Mariners Mojo, in which a baseball team fights a Sasquatch Invasion

Posted on by
31

Robinson Cano is now a Mariner. I did NOT see that coming. And they paid a ridiculous 240 million dollars for him, which is absurd, especially given the long length of the deal and the fact Cano is already in his thirties.

However, that, along with the fact that the Mariners are apparently not going in hard to get David Price (amongst others), means there is perhaps no better time than now to be remembering how back in 2002 the Mariners saved humanity from a grand Sasquatch Invasion, which is easily one of the ten worst types of invasions to deal with. And they did it in TWO issues! Yeah, some teams would stop with just one issue, but the Mariners released TWO in 2002. That is true devotion to giving the fans what they…. want? And, what’s more, They were available outside of the stadium too, available at local McDonald’s! That way, you wouldn’t even have had to go to the park to get your hands on these comics!

Oh, and yes, it was done by Ultimate Sports Entertainment/Ultimate Sports Force, why do you ask?

Both comics were written by David B. Schwartz, who’s Twitter account calls him a “entertainment lawyer by day, comic book writer by night.” He’s recently been doing things for independent comic companies like Aspen, where he most recently wrote a title called Idolized, if my research is correct. Since he’s a lawyer, I’m going to be extra-careful not to say anything that might cause him to sue me. Thankfully, he does a pretty good job with these comics, given the circumstances that surround comics like this.

Doing the art for the first issue- and the covers of both issues- was Brian Kong. Kong has done a ton of stuff over the years, from comics to cards to recently illustrating a children’s book about how baseball teams got their names. In part two, the art was done by Dennis Calero, a prolific artist who co-created Cowboys and Aliens, which was later very-loosely adapted into a movie, as well as work with DC and Marvel. Like with Schwartz, they do okay given the circumstances.

Anyway….

Go below the jump and let’s get started on the stories themselves:

Continue reading →

Tomorrow: The Mariners Fight Bigfoot

Posted on by
Reply

Due to the shocking Robinson Cano signing, I’m going to be sending in a pinch-hitter tomorrow, replacing the would-be Bizarre Baseball Culture installment I was planning that featured Ozzie Smith and Tony the Tiger (seriously) with a very special installment that features two comics from 2002 in which the Mariners fight a Sasquatch invasion.

You have been warned.

Off-Topic Quote of the Day

Posted on by
Reply

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

-Nelson Mandela, 1918-2013

Bizarre Baseball Culture THANKSGIVING WEEKEND DOUBLEHEADER (Starring Dick Blaze and Franklin Richards)

Posted on by
32

In Bizarre Baseball Culture, I take a look at some of the more unusual places where baseball has reared it’s head in pop culture and fiction.

So, for the first time ever, we have a very special DOUBLEHEADER in Bizarre Baseball Culture, as we belatedly celebrate Thanksgiving with TWO comics. The reason behind this is because both of them are kind of short- one of them is only 3 pages! We’ll open up with the aforementioned 3 page story, a public-domain tale starring “Dick Blaze” (seriously, that’s the name), and then move on to celebrating the family time we have at Thanksgiving with a look at a short comic starring Franklin Richard, son of the Fantastic Four’s Reed Richards (AKA Mr. Fantastic) and Susan Storm Richards (AKA The Invisible Woman).

So, let’s get started:

First off, the 3-page story of “Dick Blaze, Four Letter Man at Yardley” can be found in Whirlwind Comics #2, viewable here on page 45. I can find basically nothing about this character, at least partially because I’m not going to be putting “Dick Blaze” into Google because I’m afraid of what might come up (shivers). The GCD doesn’t know a thing either. However, this came out in July 1940, published by Nita Publishing, which would later become part of Holyoke Publishing. Holyoke was one of the various comic companies that existed back during the “Golden Age” and then disappeared.

Anyway… the story.

Screen Shot 2013-11-30 at 3.55.08 PMWe begin near the end, which isn’t a surprise, given that this story is just three freaking pages. As the little info-box on the page says, it’s the final game of what seems to be the College World Series, and Dick Blaze’s (STOP LAUGHING, YOU JUVENILE) Yardley team is down by one but with two men on. Also, Yardley has very, very blue uniforms. It’s obvious, based on the situation, that Dick (STOP IT) is the best hitter, something that the Wentworth battery confirms as they deviously scheme:

Screen Shot 2013-11-30 at 4.03.36 PMThis is a rather suspect strategy. I mean, for one, it’s mean and unsportsmanlike, unless Dick has broken some unwritten rules earlier in the game. And for another, it’s dumb. There are two men on. You are going to load the bases to send a message, and, what’s more, your going to do it with a intentional HBP that could well go to the backstop if you miss the guy’s head?

On the other hand, Old Hoss Radbourn (or at least his Twitter incarnation)  would be pleased.

The first attempt to bean Dick in the head (you’re probably the same type of people who laugh when you read “Uranus”, aren’t you?) fails. But the second one succeeds, and he’s shaken up. Everyone is trying to tell him to get out of the game, but Dick doesn’t care, he says he’s FINE:

Screen Shot 2013-11-30 at 4.09.51 PMDick succeeds in convincing his coach and teammates that he can stay in the game, which isn’t really a surprise, since this is the Golden Age: When Men were Men and concussions weren’t considered a major threat to an athlete’s future physical well-being and mental health. After all, nobody who suffered from concussions back then became erratic and violent…. right?

Screen Shot 2013-11-30 at 4.13.26 PM(Jeez, this is up there with Dash Dartwell in ironically-uncomfortable-in-retrospect comics)

Anyway, you can probably guess how the rest of this comic (which has about… a page and a line left in it) goes: Dick comes up in the 9th inning despite still being dizzy and socks a walk-off homer….

and then goes to the opponent locker room and beats up the pitcher:

Screen Shot 2013-11-30 at 4.22.31 PMSo, remember kids: if you get a serious injury from having a fastball hit you in the head, ignore the pleas of your teammates and stay in the game no matter how dizzy you are. And then, make sure to take revenge against the pitcher who hit you by storming into his locker room and knocking him out.

…

Man, that’s dark. Let’s go to something a bit more happy: Franklin Richards. A look at his story can be FOUND UNDER THE JUMP:

Continue reading →

Bizarre Baseball Culture: McGwire, Sosa and Friends fight Tree Monsters in “Cosmic Slam”

Posted on by
32

In Bizarre Baseball Culture, I take a look at some of the more unusual places where baseball has reared it’s head in pop culture and fiction.

I’m coming to you from the Auxiliary Headquarters of the Continuum… AKA a Living Room instead of my usual Family Room or Bedroom writing area, due to the great Wi-Fi Crisis of 2013. The reason I have braved such perils is simple: Cosmic Slam. The sequel to Shortstop Squad, and another great epic from the folks at Ultimate Sports Entertainment (AKA “Ultimate Sports Force”). Just as Shortstop Squad brought us late-90s shortstops fighting monsters and aliens, Cosmic Slam does the same with late 1990s sluggers. Jeff Bagwell, Sammy Sosa, David Justice and Mark McGwire all grace the cover, and Gary Sheffield, Bobby Bonilla and Frank Thomas all show up in the story as well.

It also involves Bagwell complaining about missing a fishing trip, Sosa making a corked bat joke, Greg Maddux‘s fastball being insulted, and of course, the making of a baseball bat out of the body of your defeated foes.

No, I’m not joking about the last one. Seriously, that really happens.

So, place your tongue firmly in cheek and go below the jump for Cosmic Slam.

Continue reading →

Famous for Something Else (sort of): Mark Gilbert

Posted on by
Reply

The Obama administration’s nominee for new ambassador to New Zealand is Mark Gilbert. While his role at Barclays Wealth (banking and management) and his previous roles in fundraising for the 2012 campaign are likely the main reasons he was nominated, Gilbert is also a former MLB player, having had a cup of coffee with the White Sox in 1985:

Year Age Tm Lg G PA AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI SB CS BB SO BA OBP SLG OPS OPS+ TB GDP HBP SH SF IBB Pos
1985 28 CHW AL 7 26 22 3 6 1 0 0 3 0 0 4 5 .273 .385 .318 .703 93 7 1 0 0 0 0 /879
1 Yr 7 26 22 3 6 1 0 0 3 0 0 4 5 .273 .385 .318 .703 93 7 1 0 0 0 0
162 Game Avg. 162 602 509 69 139 23 0 0 69 0 0 93 116 .273 .385 .318 .703 93 162 23 0 0 0 0
Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 10/30/2013.

In addition, here are his minor league stats:

Year Age Tm Lg Lev Aff G PA AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI SB CS BB SO BA OBP SLG OPS TB HBP SH SF IBB
1978 21 Geneva NYPL A- CHC 65 319 263 83 89 14 2 0 37 35 7 48 36 .338 .444 .407 .851 107 3 4 1
1979 22 Quad Cities MIDW A CHC 117 487 407 80 128 12 7 0 55 50 22 65 51 .314 .416 .378 .795 154 8 4 3
1980 23 Waterbury EL AA CIN 49 172 154 12 31 2 0 0 6 3 4 14 13 .201 .276 .214 .491 33 2 2 0
1981 24 Waterbury EL AA CIN 105 442 360 60 89 15 5 5 31 26 8 71 47 .247 .374 .358 .732 129 3 6 2 5
1982 25 Waterbury EL AA CIN 109 453 380 65 114 17 1 5 41 41 10 64 78 .300 .403 .389 .793 148 3 4 2 1
1983 26 Indianapolis AA AAA CIN 117 509 445 73 124 16 1 1 62 18 5 55 57 .279 .362 .326 .688 145 3 6 0 2
1984 27 Wichita AA AAA CIN 137 572 486 84 136 18 7 6 46 55 18 77 86 .280 .382 .383 .765 186 4 4 1 3
1985 28 Buffalo AA AAA CHW 119 498 428 67 114 20 5 3 33 14 8 54 78 .266 .350 .357 .708 153 4 7 5 3
8 Seasons 818 3452 2923 524 825 114 28 20 311 242 82 448 446 .282 .382 .361 .742 1055 30 37 14 14
A- (1 season) A- 65 319 263 83 89 14 2 0 37 35 7 48 36 .338 .444 .407 .851 107 3 4 1
A (1 season) A 117 487 407 80 128 12 7 0 55 50 22 65 51 .314 .416 .378 .795 154 8 4 3
AA (3 seasons) AA 263 1067 894 137 234 34 6 10 78 70 22 149 138 .262 .371 .347 .717 310 8 12 4 6
AAA (3 seasons) AAA 373 1579 1359 224 374 54 13 10 141 87 31 186 221 .275 .366 .356 .722 484 11 17 6 8
Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 10/30/2013.

Bizarre Baseball Culture: SHORTSTOP SQUAD (AKA “Ripken, Larkin, Jeter and A-Rod fight Faux-Godzilla”)

Posted on by
46

In Bizarre Baseball Culture, I take a look at some of the more unusual places where baseball has reared it’s head in pop culture and fiction.

In the last years of the 20th century and the first years of the 21st, there existed a company called “Ultimate Sports Force”. It is gone now, existing only in old websites and undeleted news items, but in it’s day, it was a staple advertisement in things like Sports Illustrated for Kids.

What was “Ultimate Sports Force”, you ask?

Ultimate Sports Force was a comic company that made books in which professional athletes were superheroes, that’s what! They had licenses with MLB, NBA, NFL and others, and they made comics that involved them saving the world. And then, like a shooting star across the sky, they were gone.

But, oh, man, the stuff they left behind. I’ve come into possession of many of their great products, and while their quality varies from “surprisingly good” to “OH-DEAR-GOD-KILL-IT-WITH-FIRE”, they all represent a special point in our history, a time when we could think of our sports heroes as actual superheroes, and not individuals who got into arguments, used PEDs, had tumultuous love lives, politics we disagree with or other flaws. No, Ultimate Sports Force was the last Golden Age before we all became so jaded.

Perhaps the crown jewel of Ultimate Sports Force’s non-team-affiliated content was Shortstop Squad. Truly a marvel of the Bizarre Baseball Culture arts, it paid tribute to those that went before and followed in their traditions, as Cal Ripken led his team of Barry Larkin, Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez against a fish-monster that basically is meant to be fish-Godzilla.

You may think I’m being sarcastic, and you are probably right, but, well, this is SHORTSTOP SQUAD, so your logic is irrelevant.

After all, just LOOK at this cover:

SHORTSTOPSQUADcover

Your mind is now blown.

So, let’s get started with Shortstop Squad #1 from 1999… after the jump, of course:

Continue reading →

Bizarre Baseball Culture (Book Review): “Brittle Innings” by Michael Bishop

Posted on by
34

In Bizarre Baseball Culture, I take a look at some of the more unusual places where baseball has reared it’s head in pop culture and fiction.

1816 was the so-called “Year Without a Summer”, as a series of events (including the ash from a very large volcanic eruption in Indonesia) caused temperatures around the world to plunge. Against this backdrop, a small group of English writers and poets had their summer vacation at the Villa Diodati near Lake Geneva ruined by record cold and wet weather. Stuck inside the Swiss manor, one of their members, Lord Byron, suggested they try their hand at writing ghost stories. One of them, a young woman named Mary Shelley, came up with an idea that would eventually become Frankenstein: or, The Modern Prometheus. It differed from other scary stories in one major aspect: instead of having the monster come from magic or religion, it was about a monster created by mankind, by science. In fact, some say that it invented science fiction as a genre.

So, perhaps it isn’t surprising that eventually Bizarre Baseball Culture would come across the Frankenstein Monster, but it is surprising that it comes in Brittle Innings by Michael Bishop, as opposed to a baseball episode of The Munsters or some sort of obscure comic. Because, you see, Brittle Innings, published in 1994, is an honest-to-goodness classy novel written for adults that doesn’t even advertise the fact that it’s unusual, and it’s premise is simple: what if Mary Shelley had merely been an editor of the tale of Frankenstein and his monster, and what if the Monster survived, moved to America, and took up baseball?

Okay, maybe that premise isn’t that simple. Depends on your definition of “simple”, I guess. Still, go below the jump for more:

Continue reading →

UPDATE!

Aside

I contacted Ben Blatt, who wrote the subject of yesterday’s post, and it turns out they are going to try and update it.

Huzzah!

The “Slate” tool to find out the connections between Athletes is WRONG!

Posted on by
Reply

You’ve probably seen this page pop up on your Twitter feed today. It’s a cool thing from Slate in which you can find how sports players are connected. For example, they use the example that Tom Brady and Kevin Garnett are within six degrees of each other, due to playing with people who had played with multi-sport athletes.

However, it is far from perfect. For example, it treats Jim Thorpe as two people (a baseball player and a football player), a grave error considering that he is one of the greatest athletes of all time. For another, there is an outright false statement that is seemingly also built into the tool. And I quote:

Hockey is the opposite, as there has never been a pro hockey player who also played top-level basketball, football, or baseball. As a result, hockey is a closed system. But once you get off the ice, it’s possible to link every pro baseball, basketball, and football star.

This is, of course, completely wrong, as there has actually been one player who played both baseball and hockey on the highest level. In fact, I wrote about him at one point: his name was Jim Riley.

Sadly, as of this writing, author Ben Blatt and Slate have yet to fix this. But, I can’t blame them, can I? I mean, Jim Riley is very obscure, and if not for the fact that he is the one person to play in both MLB and NHL, he would have been completely forgotten.

Still, I hope that they fix it. After all, I want to see how all of the ProStars connect together.