“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): The Brewers Beer Barrel Man is a robot

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to (and in some cases the aftermath of) the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Brewers entry.

 

Let’s look at the Milwaukee Brewers’ “Beer Barrel Man” logo of the 1970s and their time in the minor leagues:

What does that look like to you?

To me, it looks like a robot. You are never going to convince me otherwise, so don’t even try.

(For more substantial Brewers talk, listen to my conversation with Travis Sarandos of Brew Crew Ball in the most recent Continuucast.)

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): I repeat that the Pittsburgh Pirates should be more honestly called the Pittsburgh Privateers

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Pirates entry.

The Pirates, like many teams this year, could be a serious contender. They could well return to the postseason for the fourth time in as many years, which is something I never thought I’d type, even with the expanded wild card.

There’s a lot to like about the Pirates. They have Andrew McCutchen, who is of course still one of the best players in the game, they still have Gerrit Cole, and they have several players who will be coming back from injuries or near-endless free agency. They are in a tough division, but it’s not going to be surprising at all if they make the playoffs.

However, I do have to bring one problem to everyone’s attention: The Pirates’ name is completely inaccurate.

And, no, I don’t just mean that in the sense that McCutchen and friends do not actually plunder their way across the seven seas. No, I mean that their name doesn’t quite fit.

First off, some history. The Pittsburgh Pirates can be traced back to the Pittsburgh Alleghenys (sic) of the 19th century. That was the name they played under starting in their first season of 1887 and what many previous teams in the Pittsburgh area had been named. However, in 1890, the Alleghenys signed Lou Bierbauer, who had been a member of the American Association’s Philadelphia Athletics (despite the name, there is no connection to either of the Athletics or Phillies of today). Their actions were called “piratical” by American Association officials, and the Alleghenys ran with it, changing their name to Pirates.

However, there is one problem: just because your actions are piratical does not make you a pirate. Well, under some definitions it does, but only the most general and encompassing of them.

You see, pirates are, by definition, not part of any country or location other then themselves, their ship, and their crew. Maybe also other pirate crews, if they are part of some sort of terrorist group (such as many of the Somali pirates of today, who are loosely connected with terrorist organizations in the area).

Now, let’s see, while the Pittsburgh Pirates are definitely in it for themselves and their crew (their teammates), they also are representing a location and a government, albeit indirectly: The City of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

And, guess what? When a Pirate is signed up to represent one government or location’s interests, the pirate ceases to be a pirate, and becomes a privateer. To put it into baseball terms, pirates are basically always free agents, while privateers are players who’ve signed up to play for a certain team.

So, ladies and gentleman, know that while the 2016 Pittsburgh Pirates may be destined for great things, they are not, technically, pirates. Rather, they are the Pittsburgh Privateers.

Which still kind of rolls off the tongue pretty well, all things considered.

(Parts of this were first posted for the 2015 Pirates “30 Teams, 30 Posts”.)

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): The Texas Rangers shouldn’t claim all of Texas

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Rangers’ entry.

Okay, this is something that, while not the April Fool’s joke of Continuuvideo, is still on the irrelevant side:

Why does the team in the Dallas-Arlington metropolitan area, the “Texas Rangers”, claim all of Texas, when the Houston Astros exist?

To be sure, the act of claiming an entire state even while there are other MLB teams in it isn’t new. It took awhile for the Marlins to stop being the “Florida Marlins” and instead the Miami Marlins, and the Angels renamed themselves the “California Angels” even though multiple other teams had already been in California. And yet, now, the Texas Rangers remain of Texas, even though at no point were they the only MLB team in the Lone Star State.

It’s obvious, of course, why they remain that way: there’s no such thing as a “Dallas Ranger” or “Arlington Ranger”, and the team has been around too long and seen too much success (most of it recent) to go and change it now, there’s too much merchandise and cache attached to it. It’s the same reason why a certain Los Angeles NBA team is named the Lakers even though there are no natural lakes in LA and why Salt Lake City’s NBA team is called the Utah Jazz even though Utah is probably one of the least jazzy states of the union (my apologies to all Utah-based jazz musicians). Or how a certain NFL team has a racial slur for it’s nickname even though every sane person who isn’t actively being paid by that or wasn’t literally raised as a fan of that team knows it is a slur (and even those people know it’s a slur, they just won’t admit it). The inertia of the brand is too much.

But still, c’mon, Rangers. Why are you pretending Houston doesn’t exist? Not cool.

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2016): Introducing CONTINUUVIDEO, with a preview of the SAN DIEGO PADRES!

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This is the Padres’ entry.

With the renewed vigor of the Continuucast, I am proud to announce that the Baseball Continuum will also begin doing a VIDEO SEGMENT, entitled CONTINUUVIDEO. The first installment deals with the San Diego Padres.

Among the topics covered:

-San Diego’s preparations for the 2016 All-Star Game

-Discussion of GM A.J. Preller’s strategy after last year’s failures

-The Padres’ somewhat underrated pitching staff

-Fun anagrams for Yangervis Solarte (including “Solitary Avengers” and “Greatly Aversions”)

-And a special appearance by a guy who used to sell fish tacos at Petco Park!

Go see it here!

Continuucast 6 with Brandon DuBreuil (@brandondubreuil) of CPBL English!

It’s time for another Continuucast, this time featuring Brandon DuBreuil of CPBL English! Hit play above, download by right-clicking here, follow the RSS feed here or follow on iTunes here or Stitcher here (if the latest episode isn’t up yet, it will be shortly).

This time on the Continuucast:

 

-Dan Glickman goes beyond the sea (through Skype) to talk Taiwanese baseball with Brandon DuBreuil (pronounced Du-BRAY), one of the co-founders of CPBLenglish.com. Topics include how Brandon got to Taiwan, why CPBL English is opening now, notable names both foreign and domestic in the CPBL, and interesting traditions in Taiwanese baseball.

 

-Dan gets the Angels out of the way for “30 Teams, 30 Posts” by briefly talking about how the Angels may have wasted their opportunity with Mike Trout.

 

-Dan previews the next episode, which will be a SEASON OPENING EXTRAVAGANZA with multiple guests (not all at the same time).

 

Music/Sounds Featured:

 

“The National Game” by John Phillip Sousa

 

Instrumental version of “La Mer/Beyond The Sea” by Django Reinhart

 

“The Mike Trout Song” by Conn.B.

 

The death music from Super Mario Brothers

 

Excerpt of “Pennant Fever” from the Major League soundtrack

 

All sound and music used is either public domain or is a short snippet that falls under fair use.

Over at @HOVG: The latest “Wisdom and Links” has the “30 Teams, 30 Posts” for the Reds

Cincinnati gets it’s “30 Teams, 30 Posts” time in the sun over at the Hall of Very Good today. Check it out.

BREAKING OOTP Ep. 7: Schlafly’s Royals (Also “30 Teams, 30 Posts” for the Royals)

In BREAKING OOTP, I push Out Of The Park Baseball to it’s limits in various scenarios. Some will answer questions, some will settle scores, and some will push Out Of The Park Baseball to it’s very limits, to see if I can literally cause the game engine to beg for mercy.

In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post (of varying amounts of seriousness) about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2016 season. Earlier installments can be found here. This also fulfills the Royals part of that.

This will be a controversial entry in BREAKING OOTP. It’s going to be a bit political. You see, not too long ago, a woman named Phyllis Schlafly had an opinion on baseball. There’s nothing wrong with that. People have opinions about baseball all of the time. Some of them are even insightful.

Her opinion, however, was hateful, ignorant and wrong. She believes that MLB should KICK OUT ALL OF THE FOREIGNERS. In fact, she openly says “It is time to cut off visas for foreign baseball players, and return our National Pastime to Americans.

This, needless to say, is a bigoted and xenophobic view of baseball, and anyone who honestly believes it should be rightly sent to the dustpan of history. However, it’s also objectively wrong and ignorant. Even if she was right that Americans have a god-given privilege to have every baseball job in America (AND SHE IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT RIGHT), her arguments for the superiority of American MLB players are so paper-thin you could poke holes in them with a baby’s finger. For example, she uses the claim that the vast majority of Hall of Famers are American to “prove” that foreign players are inferior, utterly ignoring the fact that the vast majority of Hall of Famers came from an era before baseball became the diverse multi-national pool of players it is now. She also uses as “evidence” the fact that only Americans won the big awards in 2015, ignoring the fact that that was an aberration and that plenty of people from outside the United States have won those awards in the past.

So, to prove this bigoted old lady just how wrong she is, I’m going to show just how out-of-their-league a team made up entirely of American white guys would be in modern-day baseball. But who?

Now, she seems to think (according to her actual article, which I’m not linking to because I don’t want to give her the pleasure of the hits) the 1944 Cardinals were the pinnacle of baseball. Never mind that 1944’s Cardinals weren’t even the pinnacle of white American baseball, given most of the stars were off fighting WWII. Still, the 1944 Cardinals did win the World Series, so to produce her vision, I figure it would be a good idea to do it to the most recent MLB champions, the Kansas City Royals. It’s obviously not a one-to-one correlation, but it’ll do. Go below the jump for more:

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