2013 MLB Preview part 5: 162 Things Guaranteed to Happen in the 2013 MLB Season (Part 4)

Okay, part 1 of the 162 can be found here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Now, the final installment of the 162 things guaranteed to happen in the 2013 MLB Season. Go below the jump and buckle up, because some of these could be weird/tongue-in-cheek, because, hey, there are only so many reasonable predictions somebody can make.

121. 42 will do well in the box office.

122. Dick Vitale will call into ESPN to talk about the Rays.

123. Some member of the grounds crew will get caught under a tarp briefly.

124. Josh Hamilton will have a bat come loose from his hands and go into the stands.

125. ESPN or MLB Network will have a video of a guy catching a ball using his beer.

126. A position player will pitch.

127. Joe Maddon will do the thing where he brings an outfielder in to make a five-man infield.

128. Heath Bell will do better than he did last season.

129. A player will get hurt from punching a wall after a bad outing. Hey, it’s happened before.

130. A former MLB player- and one better known than either Billy Bean (no e) or Glenn Burke– will come out as gay.

131. Teddy Roosevelt will continue to win President Races in Washington.

132. No matter what happens, neither the Dodgers or Angels will be as big a disappointment as the Lakers are.

133. Tim Lincecum will become a long-man out of the bullpen, an effective weapon like he was in relief during the postseason last year. This will lead to calls for him to be moved back to the starting rotation, at which point his ERA balloons until he’s thrown back into the bullpen again.

134. Adam Dunn and Mark Reynolds will have season-long fight to see who accumulates more of the three true outcomes.

135. Jamie Moyer will be signed to a minor league deal, because nobody wants to know what will happen if he stops at least being a possibility for pitching.

136. At least once, there will be a rumor that a team is in negotiations with the CPBL’s EDA Rhinos for the services of Manny Ramirez.

137. The NY Post will come up with some witty jabs at Alex Rodriguez on the back page.

138. Adam Jones will blow a bubble while he makes a catch in CF.

139. Michael Keaton will criticize the Pirates’ ownership.

140. Charlie Sheen will do some gratuitous baseball-related thing.

141. A MLB player will tell a NFL player on Twitter that they have them on their fantasy team.

142. Either the Astros or Marlins will do something that ends up as the “top” spot in SportsCenter‘s “Not Top 10”.

143. Giancarlo Stanton will try to make a run for it. Please, somebody, help Giancarlo Stanton! Save him from the Marlins!

144. While we’re on the subject, the Marlins front office will probably say something kind of stupid/mean during the year.

145. Still on the subject of the Marlins, Yahoo! Sports writer Jeff Passan will write another nasty article on Jeffrey Loria, except Loria won’t be able to sue him because every single word he writes will be true.

146. A Yankees-Red Sox game will go past midnight, which is especially impressive when you consider that they probably will be fighting for third or fourth place.

147. Mark Appel of Stanford University will be the first pick of the draft.

148. Bruce Chen will not have more than 10 starts this season for the Royals. @TrippingOlney will be distraught.

149. A mystery team will appear around the trade deadline, in on any players that might be traded.

150. A player will hit a walk-off home run against the White Sox. Hawk Harrelson will remain gloriously silent as the player rounds the bases.

151. Dusty Baker will be accused of having a guy throw too many pitches.

152. If Strasburg gets injured, everybody will claim that they should have shut him down again.

153. Bryce Harper will run to first on a walk.

154. The unwritten rules will be broken when a bunt breaks up a no-hitter. It will then lead to a discussion as to whether it really broke the unwritten rules, such as whether it was justified given the score, the teams playing, or the players involved.

155. “Gangnam Style” will be played at a stadium. All involved will think that it’s, like, a year too late and stupid.

156. Vin Scully will say some whimsically awesome stories of years past, and it will go viral online.

157. A player will have a bad game on his bobble-head day.

158. It will come out that some relief pitchers have created some bizarre ritual in the bullpen, perhaps referencing some movie- the more cult, the better.

159. At one point, Justin Verlander will pitch to Mike Trout. It will be a glorious battle. Worlds will live and die, time and space will fold onto each other, dogs and cats will join forces against their shared enemy- the squirrel- and Jose Canseco will tweet out something that actually makes sense and is profound. And then, after all of that, Trout will just pop up.

160. EA Sports will announce that they will revive MVP Baseball. There will be much rejoicing. They will then say there won’t be a PC Version. I- and the rest of the internet- will not be happy. At all.

161. The “Baseball Continuum” will go mainstream, with tens of thousands of views a day. Hey, I can dream.

162. In the final game of the season and probably his career, Mariano Rivera closes the Yankee game at Houston for the save. Exit Sandman.

1 thought on “2013 MLB Preview part 5: 162 Things Guaranteed to Happen in the 2013 MLB Season (Part 4)

  1. Pingback: The 2013 Season Prediction Spectacular | The Baseball Continuum

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