Twitter Feeds We Need

There is a Twitter Feed that lets you know when Yasiel Puig comes up, and when Vin Scully says something cool or profound. What other Twitter feeds do we need? I have some thoughts…

  • A feed that lets you know whenever the benches clear.
  • A feed that lets you know when Mariano Rivera is entering a game.
  • A feed that tells you when a position player is pitching.
  • A feed that tells you when a expected starting pitcher is switched for somebody else
  • A feed that tells you when there is a rain delay and when the rain delay ends
  • A feed that tells you the results of mascot races
  • A feed that updates you on when guys have no-hitters or perfect games going after a certain amount of time.
  • A feed that tells you when a pitcher has had 10+ Ks.
  • A feed that updates you on long hitting streaks.
  • A feed that consists entirely of Ichiro Suzuki quotes.
  • A feed that tells you when a non-MLB baseball game is on TV or Streaming.
  • A feed that consists entirely of cool Minor or Indy League Promotions occurring on a given day.

 

Get to work, Internet!

The Art of Fiction Is Dead: AAA Baseball and a Miracle Comeback

After Bobby Thomson‘s famous “Shot Heard Round the World”, Red Smith perhaps wrote the greatest lede (or lead, for those of you who didn’t major in journalism) in history:

Now it is done. Now the story ends. And there is no way to tell it. The art of fiction is dead. Reality has strangled invention. Only the utterly impossible, the inexpressibly fantastic, can ever be plausible again.

A game in the International League in early August is a long way from the events that surrounded Thomson’s shot, of course, but last night there was another example of the can-you-believe-this nature of baseball that Smith paid tribute to in that lede, and another reminder that, as the great Yogi Berra once said, it ain’t over until it’s over.

For most of the game between the Rochester Red Wings (AAA Twins) and Syracuse Chiefs (AAA Nationals), it was a pitcher’s duel, as P.J. Walters of the Wings went 5.2 giving up only one earned run and Syracuse’s Caleb Clay doing the same for seven innings. The bullpens then brought it to extra innings. And it is there that the story truly begins. Although at the time, the crowd at Rochester’s Frontier Field must have thought it was an ending, as Luis Perdomo took the mound and then, after a quick first out, allowed Eury Perez to double, walked Jeff Kobernus and then hit Danny Espinosa with a pitch. Cody Eppley came in to replace him, but with runners already on base and no room for error, the Chiefs knocked in five runs off of him, although only two of them were earned.

And so, it headed to the bottom of the tenth, with the Wings down by five. Many of the 9,000+ in attendance were likely only still there due to the fireworks scheduled for post-game, but the fireworks would come early. The Chiefs brought in Cole Kimball, a high-ERA’d mop-up guy who they probably figured they could give some work to as they recorded the final outs of the game. Early on, it looked like maybe he’d do just that, getting two outs while allowing only two small hits, hits that everyone knew were meaningless unless something big happened.

And then, the wheels came off for Cole Kimball. A wild pitch got Eric Farris and James Beresford into scoring position, and then a single from Chris Parmelee got Farris home and left runners at the corners. However, again, that run was meaningless unless something else was going to happen.

Meanwhile, in the outfield, a group of Chinese fire-balloons from a local festival appeared on the horizon:

100_6012 copyAnd then, Kimball walked Deibinson Romero. Up to bat came Jeff Clement, a low-average but high-power hitter who has had stints with the Mariners and Pirates in the past, but who hadn’t been doing well lately, being without a homer since June. Now, though, the bases were loaded, but the tying run stood at the plate.

He worked a 3-1 count, and then, on the fifth pitch of the at-bat, he sent it deep into the night, a no-doubter. As soon as it was clear that it would be fair, the stadium erupted into a bonanza of high-fives, hugs and joyous screaming. Five runs down with one out left to survive, and the home team had still found a way to tie it up. Meanwhile, the Chinese Fire-Balloons faded over the Rochester Skyline.

But the inning was not over, although Kimball’s night was. Michael Crotta came in, only to walk Aaron Hicks and then give up a single to Josmil Pinto (Hicks wasn’t sent for home on the single, as he probably would have been dead meat at the plate). Crotta then was able to get Eric Farris- in his second AB of the inning- to ground out, ending the inning and sending it to 11.

The Chiefs threatened in the top of the 11th, only to have their would-be rally shushed by Shairon Martis, who came in to get the final out of the inning after the Chiefs got two men on. The Wings went down one-two-three in the bottom half. The Chiefs did the same in the top of the 12th.

And then, in the bottom of the 12th, after Chris Parmelee struck out against the Chiefs’ Jeff Mandel, Deibinson Romero walked. The speedy Eduardo Escobar was sent in as a pinch-runner. And to the plate came the hero of earlier in the night: Jeff Clement.

And again, he worked a 3-1 count.

And then, again, he sent a ball into right. It wasn’t a home run, it was just a good shot into the corner. It was close at the plate, but the throw was off, and Escobar came in to score the walk-off run of the miracle victory.

Down by five with one out left in the tenth to a walk-off in the 12th. Only in baseball do you see things like this. And when you see such a magical game, you think that Red Smith was right: only the utterly impossible can ever be plausible again.

100_6014 copy

(MVP of Yesterday will be written later today, for those wondering.)

Can I interest you in Cy Young’s Coffee Pot? (Semi-Humor*)

While checking eBay for a share to Rochester Community Baseball (no luck!), I instead came across this.

If you don’t want to look at it or the link has gone dead, here’s what it is:

Screen Shot 2013-07-31 at 8.10.39 PMIt’s a coffee pot that belonged to Cy Young‘s estate, and thus, presumably, Cy Young himself. Yes, you too can pour coffee from the same pot as the winningest pitcher of all time for the low, low price of $999! You may think that price absurd, but you are forgetting that you would be having coffee from the same pot as A BASEBALL GOD. Just like how you will be getting the WORKSMANSHIP OF A BASEBALL GOD if you buy a toolbox from the Cy Young estate.

And that’s not all! Thanks to eBay, you also have the chance of having a flower vase that once belonged to Young, for the low price of $199.99! That’s the same price that can get you a hack saw made in 1879 that also was no doubt passed down through the Young family. Throw in an extra $375 and you can get Cy Young’s tie-clasp!

But, these are nothing compared to the crown jewel of Cy Young’s estate on eBay. No, they all pale in comparison to this:

Screen Shot 2013-07-31 at 8.28.38 PMCY YOUNG’S POCKET KNIFE.

Yes, you can buy CY YOUNG’S POCKET KNIFE off of eBay. Just imagine what this knife has been used for! For all we know, Denton True Young may once have gotten into a knife-fight with Ty Cobb using this. I mean, we’ll never know for sure, but it can’t be totally discounted, right?

However, my enthusiasm is dampened by the horrible truth that you may not have been able to glean from the above image. No, to see the truth, you must… ENHANCE!

Screen Shot 2013-07-31 at 8.39.53 PMLas Vegas, Nevada. What would Cy Young’s knife be doing in Sin City? Well, the truth is, it’s only in Las Vegas a nice legal fiction to hide the truth from us. You see, the real location of Cy Young’s pocket knife is actually about 83 miles northwest of Vegas at a US Military Facility. You know it better as AREA 51. And, deep below A51, a secret alliance of the Illuminati, Knights Templar and the Boras Corporation used blood on the knife to begin a cloning process of Cy Young. Sometime in the next 18 to 22 years, a wave of Cy Young clones will enter the majors, bringing with them the ability to throw complete games on short rest. The entire pitching economy will be overthrown, closers and relievers will be driven to the street, the Rolaids Relief Man award will go unawarded… while the conspirators will profit all the while…

You see, that is why they are now selling it, to get the evidence away from themselves.

“But,” you say, “why would they make it so expensive? It’s over 23 hundred dollars!”

And I say: Gambling debts. Even secret conspiracies did not see Florida Gulf Coast coming this March.

…Anyway. Now you know the truth. Yes… the truth.

Use it as you will.

*I say “semi-humor” because while I make several bad jokes and go on at least one bizarre tangent, it is true that this stuff is on sale on eBay.

Remember, children: Brian Wilson’s beard is weird

In honor of Brian Wilson‘s return to baseball as a member of the Dodgers, here’s a classic commercial from ESPN that revealed the horrible truth about Wilson’s beard and it’s dark powers:

Bizarre Baseball Culture: Pinky (and the Brain) At the Bat

“What are we going to do this week, Dan?”

“The same thing we do most weeks, readers… try to find Bizarre Baseball Culture!”

(JUMP)

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A Quick Book Review: “Cellar Dwellers” by Jonathan Weeks

So, I finally broke down and started reading eBooks. I dunno how I’ll do with it, since I so much like the feel of the paper page and reading things on a computer always seems to lead me to getting distracted a lot, but, hey, it’ll let me read some books I otherwise wouldn’t have read, such as this one: Cellar Dwellers, by Jonathan Weeks

Screen Shot 2013-07-23 at 9.34.40 PM

As the name suggests, this book is about the crummiest teams in baseball history, ranging from the 1890 Pittsburgh Alleghenys to the 2003 Tigers. Each chapters is about a team, and gives some background on how the team became so crummy, some bright spots (for example, a 21-year-old Walter Johnson went 13-25 on the 1909 Senators despite a 2.22 ERA) and particularly bad players, while also spreading in some color about how baseball was at the time.

Overall, it’s a good breezy read, full of little anecdotes (some of which may be apocryphal, given old-time baseball writers love of exaggeration) and horrific statistics that further show how bad some of the teams covered were. There is even a bit at the end that features “dishonorable mentions”.

However, there are some sins of omission, with some of my favorite stories or bad teams not making the cut. For example, Weeks does not include Eddie Kolb of the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, who was a clerk and semi-pro player who was hired from a local tobacco shop to pitch the final game of the season. Seriously, that really happened, and I was kind of disappointed it wasn’t included.

That is a small quibble, however. Overall, while hardly a groundbreaking work by any means, I’d recommend Cellar Dwellers to anybody looking for a quick read about bad teams.

This book was reviewed using an eBook from my local library’s website.

Link

Another summary/picture article on the Rochester Red Wings is up at Twinkie Town.

The Spectrum of Braun Tweets

In the hours since the Ryan Braun news broke, you could see a wide variety of responses. Here are the types I found… I am not including examples as a way to protect the innocent and/or guilty. In addition, many tweets may be crosses between the below.

The Purely Informational Tweet: Tells us what’s happening, how people are reacting, give us further details, etc.

The “He had it coming” Tweet: Self-explanatory.

The “He should apologize” Tweet: He should apologize to his teammates, he should apologize to that sample-collector, he should apologize to the arbitrator, he should apologize to the fans, he should apologize to his family, he should apologize to those who defended him, he should apologize to Matt Kemp for winning the 2011 MVP Award instead of him, etc.

The “Not Enough” Tweet: Suggesting that Braun got off easy. Other suggestions can range anywhere from 100 games to some who suggest expunging Braun from the record books, banning him for life and then shooting him on a rocket towards the heart of the Sun. Only slightly exaggerating.

The “Who Cares?” Tweet: Somebody either says they don’t care about PED use anymore or don’t see what the big deal is because the Brewers are already out of playoff contention.

The “A-Rod’s Next” Tweet: Self-explanatory.

The “Tie this into another event” Tweet: Ranging from the rather apt comparison of the reaction to Braun’s suspension to the reaction to the suspension of the NFL’s Von MIller to the rather silly, such as saying that this means that the Royal Baby won’t be named “Ryan”.

The “Get off your high horses” Tweet: Again, self-explanatory, usually aimed either at sportswriters or MLB itself.

The “MLB is just as bad” Tweet: Focuses on the fact that some of the methods that MLB has used in these investigation are rather suspect morally or ethically. In extreme cases this may appear to be an attack on MLB instead of a condemnation of both MLB and Braun.

The “Anti-Semitic” Tweet: I haven’t seen any, but given the fact that this is Twitter and some real scumbags are on it, I’m sure they exist.

The “Woah” Tweets: People are so stunned at this development that they just can say “wow” or “woah” or something similar.

Any types I’m missing?

Bizarre Baseball Culture: Sub-Zero, Shootings, and Blasted Bulbs

One of the most underused but coolest (no pun intended) superpowers is that involving ice. I’m not sure why I think this. Perhaps it’s because of the Western New Yorker in me who full knows what it’s like to fall on your butt on a icy day, or maybe it’s because it’s a contrast to all the superpowers that rely upon warm temperatures or fire.

Either way, it’s kind of a bummer that so few heroes seem to have it- it seems to be more of a villain power. There’s Mr. Freeze, for example, and Captain Cold. The only ice-hero I can think of off the top of my head is Iceman from the X-Men.

But there is also one called Sub-Zero, a Venusian who landed on Earth and used his freezing powers to fight crime in stories published by Novelty Press.

…I don’t know why a Venusian would have ice powers either. But he did appear in a baseball story, so he’s now going to be in the rare company of superheroes who have been featured in BIZARRE BASEBALL CULTURE!

This story, from December 1940 in Blue Bolt Comics #7, can be found here, starting on page 21.

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Things to look for in the second half

The second half starts tomorrow! Here’s what to watch for:

The Wild East: The craziest and most interesting division in baseball will remain the American League East, with four teams over .500 and another that could conceivably do so (the Blue Jays). Can Boston keep it up? Can the Orioles or Rays finally get a good enough winning streak to overtake them? Will the Yankees finally decide whether they are a good team or a bad one? Can the Blue Jays finally put it together, or are they headed towards a giant flop?

Trade Deadline… without that many big names: By the end of the month, the following players may be traded: Matt Garza, Justin Morneau, Marlon Byrd, maybe Jesse Crain and… jeez, these are hardly game changers, aren’t they? I mean, they certainly are players that can decide the outcomes of games, and even one game can often make a difference between playoffs or not, but it feels like the days of big names getting moved at the deadline are at an end. Well, they are unless the Phillies finally give up on the year and start shopping Cliff Lee around.

Record Chases: Chris Davis is aiming for the AL HR record. Manny Machado has his sights on the season doubles record. Raul Ibanez is gunning for HRs in a season by somebody over 40. Can any of them do it?

Pirates!  Will they collapse again? Will they finally make the playoffs for the first time since Barry Bonds was skinny? Heck, will they finish .500 or better? Outlook good, but, well, it would be foolish to make assumptions.

Yasiel Puig. Can he keep it up, or will he turn out to be a flash-in-the-pan?

Well, we start finding out tomorrow…