Tag Archives: 30 Teams

“30 Teams, 30 Posts”: Musings and Mysteries on Evan Longoria’s cap commercial from 2010

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. Previous installments can be found here. Today, I remember Evan Longoria’s chase for a lost cap.

The year was 2010, and Evan Longoria had his hat stolen. A wild chase ensued, as he pursued the cap-napper across the Tampa Bay area (presumably), doggedly hunting to get his cap back.

It was all covered in a New Era commercial:

I’m not sure why this has stuck with me. Maybe it’s because, like almost every other commercial, it got spammed ten thousand times during the 2010 season. Or maybe it’s because of the many mysteries within it:

Like, how did the guy steal his hat to begin with?

It appears from the very beginning that the cap-napper had his cap from the very beginning. You never see him grab it. You never see it in Longoria’s possession to begin with. Clearly, we are either not seeing a few crucial seconds, or there is something very wrong with Evan Longoria and he merely was looking for an excuse to chase a guy through the city.

What’s so special about that cap?

It looks fresh out of the box, it doesn’t look like it’s been used or would have any sentimental value. And, I mean, jeez, the Rays must have like hundreds of them. And why was he wearing his cap out and about on the town, anyway? It’s his work uniform. Do you see football players walk around with their helmets on? Do you surgeons walk around in full scrubs?

Exactly.

Why does he abandon that bike?

I mean, jeez, just dropping it like that on the streets? Somebody could run over it or trip on it or something! And did he steal it? Because, uhm, I’m not sure if hijacking a bike is justified when chasing a cap-napper.

Where are the old people?

There are lots of elderly individuals in the Tampa Bay metropolitan area. You don’t see any of them in this. What strange world does this commercial take place in?

Why would he jump out of a helicopter?

Yes, I know it was actually a stuntman, but how could any person be that reckless?!?! Yeesh. What were you thinking, Evan?

I believe that Longoria did get his hat back, but we may never truly know. Maybe he has been hunting for his cap ever since 2010, and the one we’ve seen play is merely a duplicate that he created so he can continue to pursue justice.

Or something like that.

 

 

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2015): Technically, the Pittsburgh Pirates are Privateers

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. Previous installments can be found here. Today, I get into semantics and say why the Pirates’ name is incorrect.

The Pirates, like seemingly every team this year, could be a serious contender and return to the postseason for the third time in as many years, which is something I never thought I’d type, even with the expanded wild card.

There’s a lot to like about the Pirates. They have Andrew McCutchen, who is of course one of the best players in the game, and they have a very nice pitching staff that could be even better this year as the young pitchers such as Gerrit Cole get even better.

However, I do have to bring one problem to everyone’s attention: The Pirates’ name is completely inaccurate.

And, no, I don’t just mean that in the sense that McCutchen and friends do not actually plunder their way across the seven seas. No, I mean that their name doesn’t quite fit.

First off, some history. The Pittsburgh Pirates can be traced back to the Pittsburgh Alleghenys (sic) of the 19th century. That was the name they played under starting in their first season of 1887 and what many previous teams in the Pittsburgh area had been named. However, in 1890, the Alleghenys signed Lou Bierbauer, who had been a member of the American Association’s Philadelphia Athletics (despite the name, there is no connection to either of the Athletics or Phillies of today). Their actions were called “piratical” by American Association officials, and the Alleghenys ran with it, changing their name to Pirates.

However, there is one problem: just because your actions are piratical does not make you a pirate. Well, under some definitions it does, but only the most general and encompassing of them.

You see, pirates are, by definition, not part of any country or location other then themselves, their ship, and their crew. Maybe also other pirate crews, if they are part of some sort of terrorist group (such as many of the Somali pirates of today, who are loosely connected with terrorist organizations in the area).

Now, let’s see, while the Pittsburgh Pirates are definitely in it for themselves and their crew (their teammates), they also are representing a location and a government, albeit indirectly: The City of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

And, guess what? When a Pirate is signed up to represent one government or location’s interests, the pirate ceases to be a pirate, and becomes a privateer. To put it into baseball terms, pirates are basically always free agents, while privateers are players who’ve signed up to play for a certain team.

So, ladies and gentleman, know that while the 2015 Pittsburgh Pirates may be destined for great things, they are not, technically, pirates. Rather, they are the Pittsburgh Privateers.

Which still kind of rolls off the tongue pretty well, all things considered.

“30 Teams, 30 Posts”: The Mr. Met Game

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. Previous installments can be found here. Today, we honor Mr. Met, mention the latest crazy thing to happen to the Mets, and I introduce you to a fun game.

The New York Mets have a special quality. Perhaps it is because of their little brother status, their second-banana nature, the fact they are always on camera but never standing first in line. They are the Luigi to the Yankees’ Mario, the Teller to the Yankees’ Penn, the Roebuck to the Yankees’ Sears.

Or maybe it’s because they have really weird stuff happen to them all the freaking time. Like on Monday, when a blow-out spring training defeat led to a long meeting between manager and owner.

Which is crazy, and yet not even in the top 20 craziest things to happen to the Mets.

But, one man stands tall, no matter how bad it is and how top-heavy it is:

Yes, Mr. Met. No matter how bad it is, he smiles.

And, he’s the subject of a fun game I have: The Mr. Met Game.

It works similar to how people can add “… in bed” to dialogue from movies, books, and speeches. Y’know, like “He’s been doing the heavy lifting… in bed.”

Basically, take a list, any list, and then add “and Mr. Met” at the end.

Let’s take the beginning of the Declaration of Independence, for example:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness, and Mr. Met.

Or, list the actors who have played James Bond: Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig, and Mr. Met.

…You don’t find this funny, do you?

Well, you see, it’s funnier when it’s just slipped in there when you least expect it, thus totally ruining the gag for this post. But, rest assured, when done right… it’s hilarious. Especially when spoken aloud.

 

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2015): The Royals and the Inevitable Hangover

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. Previous installments can be found here. Today, we look at the Royals.

The Royals had a wild ride last season, driving through the postseason like they stole it. And they would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for that meddling Bumgarner.

However, now the hard part: moving on. 2014 is over, the sweeping of the Angels and Orioles is in the past. Alex Gordon’s dash to third base is now but a memory.

And, perhaps most importantly, some of the key players from last season are gone. James Shields is now in San Diego. Billy Butler, long a mainstay in Kansas City, now is in Oakland. Nori Aoki is now a Giant. Josh Willingham, who hit a game-tying single in the Wild Card game last year, has retired.

To be sure, additions have been made and young players will continue to improve, but, well, it will be hard for the Royals of this season to match the run of last year, because getting to the World Series is hard. It’s a cold truth.

So, sorry, Royals fans, but it’s fairly likely you are in for a disappointment this year. But, rest assured, a bright future may still lay ahead, if the prospects work out.

But if not, hold on to those memories of 2014… because it was quite the achievement in itself.

“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2015): Giancarlo Stanton’s greatest dingers

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. Previous installments can be found here. Today, we honor the Marlins the best way possible: Giancarlo Stanton dingers.

There are many ways to look at the Miami Marlins. You could look at a team on the rise, of Ichiro’s final days, or Jose Fernandez’s return from injury.

Or, you could just look at lots of Giancarlo Stanton home runs.

Let’s do that (after the jump):

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“30 Teams, 30 Posts” (2015): Looking at the Toronto Blue Jays during their first game of Spring Training

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. Previous installments can be found here. Today, the Blue Jays.

It was 1:05, and I turned on the TV to see that, finally, gloriously, spring training baseball has begun. MLB Network had Blue Jays vs. Pirates.

It was the Blue Jays feed, so here are my thoughts on them:

1) They essentially had a opening-day starting lineup to start off (with the exception of the starting pitcher, Aaron Sanchez), which is nice. Some teams will almost never have a opening-day lineup during Spring Training until the very end, but the Blue Jays have gotten down to business quick.

2) Russell Martin was starting his first pseudo-game in a Blue Jays uniform, and it was against his former team. Funny how that always happens. He made a nice defensive play in the first inning throwing out Sean Rodriguez on a full-swing bunt from his knees, although Justin Smoak definitely had to reach a bit to get the ball.

3) Aaron Sanchez gave up a 3-run, 2-out HR to Pedro Alvarez. Whoops. That probably wasn’t part of his plan. Then again, it should have ended the batter before, but Josh Donaldson botched picking up a ball. And that is why they have Spring Training, folks!

4)

Yeah, that happened. And it will happen again. Well, the lost hits due to shift.

 

5) Technical difficulties hit MLB Network at like 1:23. It gets all pixelly and stuff. This is an issue.

6) At 1:25, it got better. Praise the cable gods!

7) Aaron Sanchez has Pat Hentgen’s number.

8) Aaron Sanchez, who had a 1.09 ERA in 24 relief appearances last year, is knocked out in the second inning, down 5-0. Maybe he’s not made to be a starter, or maybe IT’S JUST THE FIRST SPRING TRAINING GAME AND WE SHOULDN’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS!

9) Through two innings, the Blue Jays are hitless, which totally means they won’t get a single hit all this season. And we thought the Phillies would be bad.

10) Jung-Ho Kang hits his first professional North American home run for the Pirates, making it 6-0. It was off Marco Estrada. The Blue Jays have yet to throw a scoreless inning this pre-season. This means absolutely nothing.

11) Every time Kevin Pillar comes up, I think he’s Kevin Millar. I had a similar problem with Ryan Roberts and Brian Roberts. Oh, and as I typed that, Kevin Pillar hit a 2-run home run, so Toronto won’t get shut-out on the preseason. Good for him.

12)  If Dalton Pompey (said like “Pompeii”) doesn’t have that song by Bastille play every time he comes to the plate, something is wrong. He makes a nice steal after reaching base on a single.

13) I miss the end of the third ending making myself a late lunch. The Blue Jays make it 6-3. I wasn’t watching and thus cannot comment. Apologies.

14) Realizing I have other stuff I need to do, I decide I will cap this at 15.

15) Dalton Pompey makes a nice sliding catch in left field in the 5th inning. Later in that same inning, he loses a ball in the sun or something and it falls in for a RBI double. Baseball is a cruel mistress.  And thus ends my observations of the Toronto Blue Jays in their first Spring Training game.

30 Teams, 30 Posts (2015): A Haiku About The Braves

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. Previous installments can be found here. Today, I lazily reduce the entire Atlanta Braves into a Haiku.

 

Atlanta Braves Team

No more Heyward or Justin

Markakis there now

 

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30 Teams, 30 Posts (2015): Alex Rodriguez’s arrival at Yankees camp, in the minds of some people (SATIRE)

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. Today, I talk about Alex Rodriguez and the Yankees by showing you an alternate world where Alex Rodriguez’s arrival at Yankee camp was as horrific as some people thought it would be or make it out to be:

We all feared this day would come. We told ourselves it was just a bad dream, a prophecy that would never be fulfilled.

But, alas, that bleak day happened. Alex Rodriguez, baseball’s greatest monster, arrived at Yankee Spring Training on Monday, coming days early by way of an ominous Zeppelin of Doom, powered by the tears of orphans and the death-cries of starved kittens.

After all, that is what Alex Rodriguez is all about. Himself. Some would move with the flow, be one with the team. But not Alex Rodriguez. Everything about him is looking out for number one. And yet, he is one of the ones who he has failed, right alongside his family, his team, his sport, America, and, indeed, all of mankind.

And, yet, he doesn’t even seem to know what, exactly, he has done wrong. Not today, not yesterday, not ever.

“Some of the mistakes.”

“Would not elaborate on what they were.”

Oh, and he said that while drinking the blood of a hapless victim. But that’s now important: he wouldn’t elaborate.

How could you not elaborate, Alex? Perhaps it is because of all of them. After all, your many crimes may include some of the following:

  • Lying
  • Getting caught with steroids
  • Using steroids in the first place
  • Kidnapping a young damsel and tying her to train tracks
  • Assassinating Archduke Franz Ferdinand and indirectly starting World War One
  • The ending of Man of Steel
  • Misplacing Thurman Thomas’ helmet in Super Bowl XXVI
  • Slapping at Bronson Arroyo’s glove
  • Tricking Howie Clark
  • Global Warming
  • Selling the rights to the X-Men and Fantastic Four to FOX Studios, thus depriving the world of seeing The Hulk fight The Thing and Wolverine hanging out with Captain America during WWII.
  • The Union’s defeat at Bull Run
  • The throwing of the 1919 World Series
  • The Lego Movie not being nominated for Best Animated Feature
  • The demise of MVP Baseball
  • Ken Griffey Jr.’s injuries
  • The episode of Lost about Jack’s tattoo
  • The disappearance of Flight 19
  • Centaurs

That’s a lot of potential things you could have possibly done, and the fact that most of them you had nothing to do with has nothing to do with that, A-Rod. You are a disgrace, a fraud, and a poo-poo head. Please go away.

—

In reality, of course, nothing interesting happened and amazingly nobody went quite this over-the-top with their blistering hot-take thinkpieces. Although we did get this picture of  journalists trying to catch a peek of his workout from a distance:

30 Teams, 30 Posts (2015): The Seattle Mariners could save the baseball fan experience

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. This is the fourth post of the series- look here for the rest. Today, I look at how the Mariners may be the team to introduce a new generation of the American baseball fan experience.

Not too long ago, I lamented the state of baseball fans over at Hall of Very Good (which is somewhat recycled in this post). To make a long story short: American baseball fans are horrible when it comes to cheering at ballgames. With a few exceptions, the only cheers that happen are those prompted by the scoreboard or during or after plays. It’s a far cry from the days when Boston fans taunted Honus Wagner with rewritten songs, Brooklyn fans had a small amateur band of musicians and Wild Bill Hagy led the “Roar from 34” in Baltimore, and it is far more sedate than the madhouse atmospheres in Japan or the Caribbean.

However, there is a place where I believe American baseball fandom could make a return to the raucous years of old: Seattle.

Why Seattle?

A few reasons:

1) It’s known to be very loud and supportive of it’s other sports teams.

Seattle is famous for how much it supports it’s teams. The “12th Man” of the Seahawks is famous for how loud it can get, at times even registering on the Richter scale. Their soccer team, the Sounders, were featured on Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel due to how they have been able to replicate the European soccer crowd environment. The loss of the Sonics is a open wound that more was the result of corporate greed than any lack of support. Therefore, the residents of the Pacific Northwest know how to get loud and organized in support of their teams and can be ridiculously devoted to them.

2) It has deep Japanese connections

The Mariners are one of the most popular MLB teams in Japan, a result of the many Japanese imports who have come to Seattle, as well as Seattle’s large Asian-American population. Nintendo, a Japanese company, owns the Mariners. Is it really that hard to imagine that perhaps the Mariners would have the inspiration and the means to form some Japan-style cheering sections, perhaps throw in some ouendan?

3) The King’s Court provides a template/Jumping Point

A king reigns in Seattle. He is King Felix of the House Fernandez, First of His Name. And when he’s on the mound, the Mariners have a section devoted entirely to them, and it looks like this:

Look at that and tell me that wouldn’t make an excellent jumping-off point for forming Japan or Europe-style fan sections with chants and waving flags and all of that! You can’t, because it’d make a perfect jumping-off point for forming a Japanese or European-style fan section!

4) The Mariners are going to return to the postseason sooner rather than later.

It feels like, during the postseason, the fans who had to survive long droughts are wilder. In 2012, Baltimore was raucous while the Bronx was a morgue. Pittsburgh waited years to return to the playoffs and turned PNC Park into a madhouse. Atlanta was in the postseason for so many years that they ended up having trouble selling tickets to NLDS games.

The Mariners haven’t made the postseason since 2001. Guess what type of crowd they’ll bring when they make the playoffs next? The answer: a lot closer to the Baltimore or Pittsburgh experience. It’ll be loud. Very loud. And it is then, perhaps, that it will happen: Seattle will bring a new evolution of the baseball fan experience. And then, the Baseball Gods willing, nothing will be the same again.

 

 

30 Teams, 30 Posts (2015): Orbit of the Astros

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In 30 Teams, 30 Posts, I write a post about every MLB team in some way in the lead-up to the beginning of the 2015 season. This is the third post of the series- look here for the rest. Today, I look at the one of the great rising stars of the Houston Astros- their mascot, Orbit.

The Astros are going to be something. Sooner than you think, they will have one of those “What The Heck” seasons, bursting onto the scene and into the playoffs like the Rays, Pirates and Royals of past years. They will revive pro baseball on the Gulf Coast of Texas, and teach everyone the true meaning of the unit of measurement known as the Altuve.

But until then, the Astros can at least rest easy knowing that they have one of the rising stars of the MLB Mascot Circuit- Orbit.

Photo by Matthew Britt. Used under Creative Commons (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/)

Yes, Orbit, the Alien Muppet… thing. Once the mascot of the Astros from 1990 to 1999, he returned in 2012 by popular demand. And, since then, he has made his return worth it, using puns, slapstick, dancing, and mock-feuds. It is no coincidence that Orbit was brought along with the MLB All-Star Team to Japan for a recent tour, considering how great he was in 2014? No wonder, as our good friend Michael Clair once pointed out, that Astro won the Mascot of the Year Award.

Go below the jump for some thoughts and observations about some of Orbit’s highlights:

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